when dey see women are fickle-minded, it is not without a reason....n i've proven myself to be a true blue woman!! haa....okie...how shld i start...
it all started when my indian colleague hoo was all set to go fer the course suddenly came up to me all serious saying she is having second thots...i felt shaky man....tho i've oso been thinking bout it since i accepted the offer...i felt more uncertain when she told me dat....issit some conspiracy gg on dat i din noe of n dat is y dey r all withdrawing? hmm....so i started rethinking AGAIN.....my current co-teacher gave me some advice, my other malay colleague gave me more advice....tho i've heard them over the daes, it suddenly struck me dat dey r very rite...plus i recalled wad my prog head said to me...he sounds more like he's hinting dat i nid not go fer the course....aiya...all these hindsight bias stuff....so fer once in tis whole week, my mind was a lil clearer todae (due to the lack of sleep over the daes)....i guess i din haf much to lose ba...at least i hope....if boss refuses to increase my pay, den he'll lose one "valuable" staff...haa.....n if i come back frm the course, it'll onli be a minimal increment? like mabbe a hundred bucks?? plus i'll be tied down fer another 2.5 yrs?? recalled my prog head saying tis field is v wierd...cos even if u go fer the course it mite not add much value....esp since i oreadi got a degree....so.....i made up my mind....n tis time round.....i must sae i feel a lot more lighter den when i decided to go? cos perhaps all the uncertainties r gone....i'll still be me werking wif my kids....n not missing out ani part of their development....
i din tell my boss personally dat i wasnt gg....din wan to bother him again aft seeing n toking to him fer so long....my prog head helped me inform him both times when i was gg n now dat i'm not....shall hide frm him fer the time being...haa...till when aug's pay comes den mabbe nid to find him to ask y my pay so lil ba...haa....oh well...i doubt my decision will affect him....it's mostly his fault fer making me feel so insecure n unassured....i'm merely applying wad i've learnt at my werkplace fer these 2 yrs to my life....making last min changes!!
so din go down nie todae to register....not gonna see all my ntu frens fer lunch in ntu le....not gonna haf the luxury of travelling less....praying hard there is no penalties to it....faxed a letter over n left a voice msg at nie....haven heard aniting yet...
after much turmoil, i took a step back to relook the whole situation....i guess i was confused n linked liking my job with gg fer the course....but now i'm clear....i wan to do tis job....but i dun wan to do tis course....much so when i rem y i din wan to go in the ferst place last yr....cos it's not autism specific!! i like autism n doubt i will venture out into other disabilities....cos it's too interesting dat i can never finish exploring it.....
so sorrie for making all my frens worrie fer me.....fer nth....but i do feel happier now...cos no strings attached....my colleagues r all happie....not fer me...but cos we wun b so short handed...haa....okok mabbe some of dem ba.....dat means dey dun haf to take ani more extra klasses to replace me....haa.....
now dat all is over, i shld start preparing klass again....have been slacking all these while cos i tot gg fer the course liao....haiz...but now, all thrown back....poof....thank goodness my co teacher so hardwerking n enthu n fast werker....made me feel bad man....
haven been able to cheer up until tis morning...heh...pleasant surprise....(^.<)
