kauz....been staying at office till 10+ everydae fer the whole week!!!! cant believe it....reach home at arnd 12mn....realli hate dat project....dun feel like doing it man....tmr n sat still got full dae werkshop....mabbe gg back to office on sat to do....sianz....tmr still got piano....sehz....sun teach piano again....den mon must pia finish the project le...must edit the video summore....where got time??!!! tues is the dateline.....tues i'm taking over klass again aft slacking so long in the office....haven even restructure the classroom not to mention plan fer the upcoming lessons.......3 more werkshops next week to attend....shitz....it's just soooooooo super duper bz......was so tired dat just now i slept on mrt n suddenly my hand jerk quite hardly, head swaying here n there.....so malu....thank goodness the video todae went quite well....at least everyone attended my klass.....no one sent to the calm room....hee...
ends at 12:20 AM
Tuesday, April 25, 2006Y
cant believe i stayed till 10pm todae in the office...lucki got wendy accompany me....n my admin cos she gg malaysia to climb mountain tmr...she bunk in todae man....so happening...at the age of 40+.....woah....all fer the sake of the stoopid course project....dunno how to complete it man...due next tues....but we must finish by thurs lor...cos fri n sat i got workshops fer full dae....n mon is public hol...den still gotta film the students....superbly mafan.....y on earth did i sign up fer it??!! argh......dun mind failing the course...but co's reputation at stake...everyone in tis field is looking at us....if we dun do well...or at least pass....i tink all the other centres will probably tink even more lowly of us.....n drats lor....still must restructure just fer the proj....no logic....mi gonna stage a show fer filming n fill in some pseudo info....heck....too demanding fer a 3 mths long cert....not worth it.....help~!!! probably gotta stay late tmr again...or even bunk in....hmm...seems quite comfy actualli.....haa....
~stressed~
ends at 12:35 AM
Friday, April 14, 2006Y
saw zr todae...n i felt so guilty....i dunno y....tink i still feel bad frm yest....unable to help him....*sniff*....but early in the morning my colleague told me i had become famous...i guessed as much....so mani pple watched me kena hit lor....how can i not be famous.....on my wae home a lady hoo werks in the hospital walked up to me to sae kudos to all of us on the 10th floor....
"it is a difficult job huh...have to deal with them...i realli tink you all r great..."
they do haf their adorable side...realli....like when i read stories wif tiff she's just so cute...she never fails to make me luff.....n i realli treasure the relationship i haf wif her....not onli her....everyone has been great on certain daes....all other daes were juz out of their control....
todae during debrief the new head told us dat he had a student hoo died last yr apr....police called his previous centre....the boy was a super hyperactive guy wif ASD....he threw tantrums by hurling tables at you....he's small size but has great strength....dat dae he was curious climbed the windows n fell down.....my new head said he broke down in tears.....but at the wake....the family looked kinda happy....but i guess it's more of a relief.....tho others may tink dat dey r inhumane....but try living wif someone wif ASD....there is no hols....everydae just haf to control his bhv....dat's tiring enuff.....plus parents will age....siblings haf their own lives....aft he passed on, it was den dat the family can realli function like ani other normal families....
sad story. i hope it will never happen to any students i haf. else i'll cry fer daes....just the tot of it makes me teary....
ends at 9:13 PM
Thursday, April 13, 2006Y
hit by ZR
my head hurts.....poof.....super ruff dae todae...
two incidents happened....both involving me.....cant help but feel i'm soooo useless....2 tantrums frm same student....the ferst one was in the pantry where he threw his unfinished rice into the sink....so had to make him clear the sink....den he asked fer toothpick i told him to wait n wash his fork n spoon ferst....den i knew he was gg to start tantruming...n i noe he was gg to throw the fork n spoon down the window....but i failed to stop him.....next he threw a flask of water on the floor.....when my colleagues got him into the calm rm....he took off his pants n peed inside...my boss hoo just came back frm a trip cot him doing dat....
when it was time to go home...i brot them down tho i wasnt on duty...cos some of them not free...den he started his tantruming in the lift...when we reach ferst level...he refused to come out....i struggled wif him fer v long....at least i felt like it was ages....trying ever so hard to get him out of the lift...he just stood at the end of the lift refusing to budge...i did not even tink of physically restraining him....cos a lot of hospital staff was having lunch there....n all of them saw wad happened to me within a few seconds....we went in n out of the lift fer so mani times...he threw his sandals dunno how mani times....i picked up his sandals dunno fer how mani times....den he bent down to look at my eyes so klose to my face fer a few times....tada...n i officially joined the drums section of his percussion group....together with my other 4 colleagues...we form his drum sets....smacked me on the head like some combo hits...n den on my back...too fast fer me to react...n i felt someone pull me awae...it was a lady hoo wanted to take the lift...she n another lady still insistent on taking the lift aft seeing wad happened....den the next moment when i came to my senses my boss was standing next to me...one of my colleagues asked him to come rescue me...."wear ur shoes now!" he shouted n thump thump thump! he kena smacked on his head too....lucki i got fringe...boss forehead abit barren so can see dat it turned red....but he din get hit as much as i did....den suddenly he dashed out to the crowd having lunch....n sat down on the sofa....i ran to catch up wif him....he pointed at the stall....i noe he wanted to eat...but the sch bus waiting fer him...all of a sudden he got up n i quickly pulled him wif me n ran together to the bus n shoved him in.....wanted to throw his sandals out again....gosh...quickly put it on one side n locked the door n quickly waved gdbye...pooooof......
while i was inside the lift wif him....i realli felt so helpless...no one to help me out of the situation.....just like how he felt....we were both trapped....he din understand me...i din understand him...n being his teacher (tho not his main teacher)...i cant help him....at all....can onli becum the object fer him to vent his frustrations on....cant help but cried...not cos my head was hit...but i realli was at such a lost....i'm realli not an effective teacher...there's still so much so much more i nid to learn...i nid all the experience in the world to help me deal wif dem....dat is if i can haf more den one life.....
my head hurts....my heart pains...n my confidence shattered....
ends at 8:36 PM
Wednesday, April 12, 2006Y
blogger down fer a few daes...so couldnt update...
last week was being filmed while i conduct lessons...so stressful...it's fer a project for the social werk students of my boss...even had to do an individual interview clip...ate so mani nails n bolts...keep NGing....sianz...n the final product oso cannot make it....arghz...dun wanna see the video again...
tantrums after tantrums...lectures after lectures....it's realli tiring me out...worst is whenever i tink of the project...poof....
had my hair done up last sat...cant believe i did tis to my hair...it's golden with patches of purple...or indigo...as corrected by my piano student...haa...UGLY!!! dad sae i look ah lian...bro tried to comfort me dat after a while will get used den not so wierd animore....haiz...aniwae, the indigo part is running....argh....how i wished it was the golden dye dat runs....
new supervisor or shld i sae head or shld i sae snr is here....but haven gotten to tok much to him yet....boss awae fer more den a week....n i've been slacking all these while....haiz....dun wanna do werk...haa...sit in office n chat...oops =X
still haven bot the watch i wan...tink it's running out of stock...
and again....i'm losing faith in myself...esp aft gg fer the autism course...
ends at 10:26 AM
Wednesday, April 05, 2006Y
yest realli scared out of my wits....brot them for an outing and zhi rong tried to dash across the road...and there was a big truck lor....screamed his name so loud dat i felt paiseh....lucki he responded to dat...and stopped at the kerb...phew...cant imagine wad would haf happened...he kept screaming n wailing in public....everyone else looked at us....gosh...b4 we went out was worse...he wanted to go outing...but din understand dat it is after pe den he can go....and all of us tried means and waes to make him understand but he just couldnt....show him pic...he crushed the paper...show him his money and ask him to kip..he eat up the 2 dollar note, spit it out again, and stuff it into the gap between the lift....argh....
all else is fine...the other students r so super cute...haa...esp in front of the video cam...dey r super well behaved...shld just put a video cam everywhere everydae...haa...
