♥Relaxing ...

Monday, July 30, 2007Y

as if i do not haf enuff tings to worrie about....haiz....more tings to add on to it...cant take it animore....

ends at 6:46 AM

Thursday, July 26, 2007Y

lucki fer the fact dat i alwiz watch tv - hk police dramas - dat i noe how to phrase in chinese when translating to the mother at imh....(fyi, imh = institute of mental health, aka woodbridge hospital...) the scene was typical dat of how the police interrogates the criminal....wif my prog head as the "police" role....n a male nurse by the side....(the nurses there r all males...i guess dey haf to put dem there....) n thanks to the fact dat i'm a chinese n can speak chinese at dat....dat i got the chance to go wif my prog head todae....feel so priviledged....it's realli a once-in-a-lifetime experience....not ani visitor can get to enter the remand wards....n i did!

it isnt my ferst time at imh....my second actualli.....the ferst time was when i was there fer a visit fer abnormal psych module....the feeling is different....last time when i was there, i was a little wary of the surrounding pple....all arnd was very peaceful n calm n quiet...serene....heh....todae when i was there, it was quite crowded...i dunno y....mabbe more n more pple r getting medication frm there...cos the pharmacy or sth has a long queue....n there was a seminar on....n a group of sch students there fer visit....hmmm.....todae i was there light-hearted....tho i noe tis case is rather depressing plus one of our students just got admitted there....wanted to visit him man...but cant go in i was told....i felt okie lar...not too scared la....there wasnt ani receptionist area....so din noe where to enquire....had to ask the staff walking past...luckily we got the rite person....(n not the patients...haa....) aniwae, the remand ward was sooooooo far awae....at the end of the whole hospital....n now i suddenly rem during my visit they did mention dat.....hmm....we walked rite till the end untill both of us kept seeing the sign dat saes onli "mortuary"...next sign..."mortuary"....n the next..."mortuary"......so i guess we were in the wrong direction...haa...n we realli did walked past the mortuary....brr.....

finally when we reached the remand wards....it was all fenced up n locked up with grills....i was feeling all comfortable even when we met him....shook hands lightly....like a touch....we started the interview earlier without waiting fer the mum...the interview was conducted by my prog head n all i did was sit there beside him....he realli is a very intelligent 20-yr-old considering he onli had pri sch background....he reads up alot alot.....he likes physics, chemistry n wants to go into psych....he noes electrical stuff, some stuff bout all the disorders, how to make gun, the laws n legislations (which chapter which statement), all the court hearings procedures, etc etc....amazing!! when we were ferst there he kept interrupting betw the qns....n when my prog head said we'll take turns to tok....he said "dun use the autism wae leh..." so smart!! he noes!! we usu state rules n tell how to take turns to students....his background is very complicated....been in jail n in n out of imh....he ran awae frm hospitals a few times...by injuring others.....poking pple's eyes with pencil/pen...when he said dat i was tinking..."raj, u better hold on tight to ur pen!!" haa....occasionally he asked to go toilet out of the blue....hands were trembling awae...cos of all his medication i guess....when it comes to the part on sex...cos he roams arnd in geylang.....ferst on y he tried to drug himself....he said "i shall not tok about it cos she is here" pointing to me....he even apologised....i din find it too disturbing untill he said one of his fears is dat he mite molest gers if he comes to our centre n he kept staring at me fer a good 5 sec....untill my prog head redirected him by tapping his pen quite loudly on the table n said "look at me when i tok to u!!" in an angry tone....poof...felt so protected...haa...so man! tried so hard to keep a straight face thruout....but cld feel my face turned a lil hot....den he said "r u angry? sorrie ar...."to me...

hmm...dunno wad will be the outcome of his hearing tmr....he has even decided wad to sae in court...how he's gonna twist it arnd n plead not guilty of theft....he indicated dat he wans to come to our centre provided it's not a stay in...he wans freedom....to roam outside....dat was y he ran awae....kept asking us to plead with his IO (investigation officer, i presume)....asked my prog head to bail him out....asked his mum to bail him out....but the mum dun dare....cos he will run awae again....he even noes how much to pay lo....pengz....

my prog head wans to help him....but i guess now we do not haf the manpower n capabilities to help him yet....shall see wad's the outcome tmr....so scared he snatch my namecard awae frm the mum when i gave the mum....haa....bet u he'll rem our names if we meet him on the streets....he could rem all the dates he was admitted n which dae it was even....*chills* wad was more amazing is dat whenever a qn is asked, he doesnt realli nid to tink before responding....if it were me, i wld be humming n hawing......so all i did was translated fer the mum n my colleague....tho dey din tok much....the mum kept repeating her worry of wad will the outcome be tmr....haiz....the guy does noe he worries her...at the very least he does not hurt his mum....

haiz....apart frm all the disorders he has been diagnosed wif, it could also be due to some environmental factors dat he's turned out lidat....he has an abusive father....the education system here restricts his freedom....realli kept me in deep thots all the wae on my ride frm hougang to woodlands....

realised my prog head can b quite sweet n manly....haa....gentlemanly n has a mind of his own....he called imh to ask if the staff will be arnd during the interview n dey luffed at him tinking dat he's scared....but no...cos he said he has a lady teacher wif him (which is me....heh)...opened doors fer me every time since all the course's daes....but sometimes i still tink he's kinda bias towards the other colleagues....well....he asked if i felt scared....yesh....at some point in time....heh....of cos....

n oh no...my boss suddenly checked wif me todae n realised i wasnt gg to the nie course....gosh...does dat mean there goes my pay rise??? *sobz* shall not pin hopes liao.....bet he fergotten or din catch it when my prog head told him....oh well....*sobz*

so darn tired....got squeaky eyes liao.....

another long blog again....haa...my blog is fer the super eng pple to read! haa... (^.<)

ends at 7:46 AM

Wednesday, July 25, 2007Y

tmr's gonna be such an interesting dae....but i hope i'll be safe n sound....haha...no lar...gg to imh tmr...to interview a guy with autism who has an iq of 130+ but is gg to court n gg to be sentenced fer some very very dramatic acts.....when my prog head described to me....it's really baffling.....so eventful n adventurous....playing police n thief....wah.....wonder how tis interesting character is gonna be like..gg wif my prog head....not dat he nids company or wad...but my main job there is to translate chinese to english fer him....duhz....haha.......he told me to just be mentally prepared lo....okie....mabbe i shld gear myself up tmr....hmm...wad shld i wear? rugby suit? hm....but imh is realli a place dat has so much stigma attached to it....been there once....dun mind gg again provided i can come out in one piece alive....haa....

*very hopeful n still waiting fer aug to come....pls dun gimme empty promises again....*

ends at 8:42 AM

Tuesday, July 24, 2007Y

2 new staff came in todae...a guy n a ger....the guy is so tall n big-size...gd....hope he can handle the students n wun be scared off the chair by the students here....cos his ferst dae was posted to the most behavioral klass...6 students who nids more den 3 pairs of hands to get everyone gg....n with one particular guy hoo was totally obsessed with pressing the lift these few wks..."press 11th floor...press 11th floor" n the klassmate will go "who press 11th floor...who press 11th floor..." haa....quite a handful combi...din tok to the new guy much but heard he was in special ed (sped) b4...so dat's gd....the lady had been in another sped sch fer 10 yrs!!! omg.....so experienced....very gd....but autism is still quite new a field to her cos the previous sch takes in a few disabilities...

yest i had to relief my previous klass (thanks to my co-teacher "lending" me to dem....)....i totally din mind gg back...in fact i loved the idea....until when i was told i was being "lent out"....made me feel small....so small...den told me the klass went v well...did a lot of stuff...etc etc....all the good tings....nvm....den todae...she told the volunteer n the new guy who was attached to the klass dat "oh...u'll realised dat i'm the noisy teacher n she's the quiet teacher..." i read it as...1) i'm the bad teacher hoo doesnt allow students to make noises....well, cos i kip asking dem to be quiet....loud noises r of cos not allowed wad.....2) i'm the teacher hoo rarely toks....and she being the very active one.....well, in the field of autism, we're not advised to tok too much....some the tings she said had some tint of sarcasm in dem...mabbe i was too sensitive...but i bet if it were ani other of my colleagues, dey wld haf rebuted her oreadi....wad was worse is when she alwiz passes very nasty remarks....in front of volunteer n new staff....we alwiz reward students fer gd behavior using m&ms or sweets or gummi bears....she alwiz tink it's like training dogs....i told her it may be uncomfortable doing dat at ferst....but dat is one approach to encourage gd behavior....i find it bad to use it at ferst...but tis is the method dat brings instantaneous results most of the time fer young kids....and so she's been gg arnd saying dat....todae she realli pissed me off when i suggested doing some jumping with hula hoops fer exercise....den she replied saying "yar...sure! train dem to jump so dat dey can perform in the zoo....." very demeaning.....felt bad fer the students....told her off quite nicely liao....she still continue saying it...plus wad wld the outsiders tink when dey hear tis??? haiz...din wan to let other colleagues noe bout wad she said....cos tings will get messier...but too bad she said it in front of others too....so dey heard it n clarified wif me....dey all were disgusted wif her....so i tink i shld bring tis up to my prog head....lest others sae i din do my job in reporting (tho i'm not sure if dat responsibility falls on me...she seems like the main teacher in the klass n mi just a support) she better stop toking n tinking in tis manner....it's unhealthy.....

so gd to haf a chance to see my shalom kids back in klass again....tho K screamed cos her water bottle leaaked...n she kept asking fer scotch tape man....nice to see B, R n C smile when dey saw me....Ri still quite irritating when he doesnt do his werk....but he's quite farnie in other waes....n of cos YH whom i haf to drag n pull everywhere....so lembek dat he practically lies on the floor, slouches on the chair etc....had a hard time trying to get him stand up all the time....poof....backache....

my sunshine boy withdrawing frm sch temporarily...so sad....haiz...cos his grandma injured her foot or sth so cannot bring him down to take the sch bus....i dun mind sacrificing my pathetic lunch time n volunteering to bring him to sch!!

another high behavioral support guy stopped sch too cos he was sent to imh by his parents...very saddening...it realli chills my heart to hear dat...the parents r too stressed out n driven to the wall oreadi....dey cannot handle his behaviors animore....esp when he grows taller n bigger...he's quite high cognitively...but sad to sae he is high on behavior too....spits at pple, throws furniture, hits, kicks...he doesnt even come to sch...he onli goes fer a walk arnd simei wif my colleague to train his compliance...haiz....

stress man...trying to catch up wif all the stuff dat my co-teacher has....her pace too fast....all i can do is to prepare fer my dat student...hoo oso gives me a hard time...n hopefulli i get changed to another klass (like wad my co-teacher had such a strong hunch on....)....tis klass is realli quite unbearable at times....werking wif pple whom i cant realli connect wif....altho it's v slow paced n slack....haiz.....i shall try harder in buidling the connections!!

ends at 7:19 AM

Friday, July 20, 2007Y

sent zw off todae at the airport....had popeyes fer dnr....fer the ferst time....not too bad lar...okok...so main ting is zw is back to aust again....one less kaki liao....even tho when he's in spore he's too bz to meet up.....haa....onli sc zm ks n me were there to send him off....the group is getting smaller man....

den we went to ecp to walk walk...haa...supposed to walk leisurely according to zm n sc.....but we ended up walking quite briskly....which din help in digestion....haa...not relaxed enuff dey sae...haa...must swing arms like aunties n uncles....watched pple fish....overheard how dey fish n all.....tok bout planes, games, ships...n guy stuff...haa...okok...i'm not complaining....wad to do when i'm wif 3 guys?

den went sc zm n me went off to some coffee shop at alexandra fer supper....super full man....onli drank teh beng n i'm bloated till now....*puke*....

it's nice rotting tog wif sec sch pple aft so long....we used to do tis tog quite often last time...i guess wif all the commitments dat everyone has it's difficult to hang out tog nowadaes....n oso cos we old liao...haa...no more extra energy....=P

ends at 8:56 AM

Thursday, July 19, 2007Y

withdraw frm nie

when dey see women are fickle-minded, it is not without a reason....n i've proven myself to be a true blue woman!! haa....okie...how shld i start...

it all started when my indian colleague hoo was all set to go fer the course suddenly came up to me all serious saying she is having second thots...i felt shaky man....tho i've oso been thinking bout it since i accepted the offer...i felt more uncertain when she told me dat....issit some conspiracy gg on dat i din noe of n dat is y dey r all withdrawing? hmm....so i started rethinking AGAIN.....my current co-teacher gave me some advice, my other malay colleague gave me more advice....tho i've heard them over the daes, it suddenly struck me dat dey r very rite...plus i recalled wad my prog head said to me...he sounds more like he's hinting dat i nid not go fer the course....aiya...all these hindsight bias stuff....so fer once in tis whole week, my mind was a lil clearer todae (due to the lack of sleep over the daes)....i guess i din haf much to lose ba...at least i hope....if boss refuses to increase my pay, den he'll lose one "valuable" staff...haa.....n if i come back frm the course, it'll onli be a minimal increment? like mabbe a hundred bucks?? plus i'll be tied down fer another 2.5 yrs?? recalled my prog head saying tis field is v wierd...cos even if u go fer the course it mite not add much value....esp since i oreadi got a degree....so.....i made up my mind....n tis time round.....i must sae i feel a lot more lighter den when i decided to go? cos perhaps all the uncertainties r gone....i'll still be me werking wif my kids....n not missing out ani part of their development....

i din tell my boss personally dat i wasnt gg....din wan to bother him again aft seeing n toking to him fer so long....my prog head helped me inform him both times when i was gg n now dat i'm not....shall hide frm him fer the time being...haa...till when aug's pay comes den mabbe nid to find him to ask y my pay so lil ba...haa....oh well...i doubt my decision will affect him....it's mostly his fault fer making me feel so insecure n unassured....i'm merely applying wad i've learnt at my werkplace fer these 2 yrs to my life....making last min changes!!

so din go down nie todae to register....not gonna see all my ntu frens fer lunch in ntu le....not gonna haf the luxury of travelling less....praying hard there is no penalties to it....faxed a letter over n left a voice msg at nie....haven heard aniting yet...

after much turmoil, i took a step back to relook the whole situation....i guess i was confused n linked liking my job with gg fer the course....but now i'm clear....i wan to do tis job....but i dun wan to do tis course....much so when i rem y i din wan to go in the ferst place last yr....cos it's not autism specific!! i like autism n doubt i will venture out into other disabilities....cos it's too interesting dat i can never finish exploring it.....

so sorrie for making all my frens worrie fer me.....fer nth....but i do feel happier now...cos no strings attached....my colleagues r all happie....not fer me...but cos we wun b so short handed...haa....okok mabbe some of dem ba.....dat means dey dun haf to take ani more extra klasses to replace me....haa.....

now dat all is over, i shld start preparing klass again....have been slacking all these while cos i tot gg fer the course liao....haiz...but now, all thrown back....poof....thank goodness my co teacher so hardwerking n enthu n fast werker....made me feel bad man....

haven been able to cheer up until tis morning...heh...pleasant surprise....(^.<)

ends at 7:27 AM

Wednesday, July 18, 2007Y

the more i tink about my decision, the more heavy-hearted i feel....if tis goes on, i'll be gg mad soon....i told myself to stop tinking but i just cant....tmr supposed to go down nie reg liao n i'm still tinking bout my decision....i realised it's after making the decision n not feeling ani better aft dat dat makes me realli wonder if dat's the choice i wan....pple haf been telling me i do not nid tis dip in tis field....unless govt has set new rules....or has more benefits fer nie-trained sped teachers...otherwise, there is basically no diff...n worse off is pple frm non-related fields and/or without the dip mite just come in n b ur boss....the hierarchy here is basically v unclear....so....sigh....

thanks to ly's article which made me feel a lil better....=)
作家米兰·昆德拉曾说：“一切重压与负担，人都可以承受，它会使人坦荡而充实地活着，最不能承受的恰恰是‘轻松’。”渔船必须负载一定的重量，才能穿越惊涛骇浪稳健航抵彼岸；鸟儿得先承当翅膀的重担，然后拥有海阔天空。没有重担与压力的人生容易磨尽人的志气斗志，最终成为一团松松垮垮的泥，窝窝囊囊走到终点。
i guess coping wif stress will make us grow....i'm sure i did....n i shall be prepared fer more to come....=]

ends at 7:12 AM

Tuesday, July 17, 2007Y

it was 10 min to 5pm b4 i finally made up my mind...well...not totally cos tings n more factors pop up thruout the afternoon.....tings like my boss said "i'll still treat u the same even tho u not gg fer the course", "u mite not be able to get the amt u asked fer cos the board feels it's too high", etc....more comments n advice coming in.....frm colleagues, frens n my prog head.....so not totally meaning i haf sent in my letter of acceptance fer the offer to the course....but i still haf some reservations n may choose to pay n go if aniting doesnt match my expectations....so shall start saving up fer rainy dae....n must start eating more bittergourd cos life mite just turn very bitter soon....nid to up my level of tolerance....

was kinda touched when all my deary frens n colleagues r so concerned bout me....dey noe i'm indecisive....n very lost....haa....as usual....

thanks to JH hoo called me at the crux to tok to me....haa...despite him being mia fer so long, he still reads me like a book...which is reali scarie....haa....i must sae he is one fren hoo reads me inside out most of the time....poof....alwiz my advisor...haa....so if i regret in my decision he is partly to blame....hahaha.....but i realli appreciate it lar......(but den again, he called cos he nid me to help him jio the rest out!! shucks...kena cheated....)

n to my prog head hoo rarely gives me advice...haa...tho from wad he said he tried to hint dat i dun realli haf to go fer it....but he brot up a very valid n strong point dat if i were to still be in tis org fer the next 3 yrs i'll regret not gg fer the course.....i felt dat too....if i m not gg den probably i'll still b stuck here fer god-noes-how mani yrs.....and stay stagnant...n well, a change in env cld do me gd.....i hope....so after much toking n brainstorming inside his rm, i broke my decision to him....din wan to tell my boss my decision cos he carrying a super black face the whole dae....haiz....he better fight fer my pay during tis evening's board meeting!!! argh.....but i'm not pinning too much hope le....

so basically in my decision-making process, there r 3 camps of pple....the ones hoo r supportive (mainly my colleagues n a handful frens...), the ones hoo r not so supportive (mani frens and some colleagues), and those who refused to influence me wif their thots (most colleagues)...but i appreciate all of it....cos it helps me realise both sides of the coin....but den i must sae all cancelled out each other nicely....n i guess like wad everyone said....just follow ur heart....u haf to make dat decision....it's sometimes tuff not to listen to the majority n surf over all the currents....but den mabbe god could b telling me thru dem to back out, or giving me more opportunities to back out but i simply chose not to listen to them...haa....oh well, now dat i've made it...i do not feel exceptionally lighter, nor do i feel ani much happier....just hope i'll be able to score well in tis field lor....cos the future lies ahead n i cant foresee anything as yet...n yes like wad JH said ba....it's not how tuff it is but how u tide over the tuff times.....=)

ends at 9:23 AM

Monday, July 16, 2007Y

finally bot my sony ericsson k810i.....felt kinda bad fer ditching my nokia fone of 4-5 yrs.....it's extinct oreadi.....not exactly excited bout the new fone tho i hope it can bring up my mood...aniwae, it costs me 358 bucks man....n i dun feel the pinch much....cos my heart has becum numb due to all the stressors.....

i dunno if tis is gd news or bad news....but i actualli managed to get another dae extension to submit the letter of acceptance to nie...actualli bad news lar...cos cant sleep fer another nite....aft the tok to boss i felt better....cos he promised to get me a higher pay....but den he is best at giving promises....i wish i could trust him more...but sometimes it's alwiz gd to be on the safe side...he painted a whole big beautiful picture to me again....which sounds v tempting n rather convincing....tho at some parts i wanted to tear him down...haa....with my intelligence, i'm still able to tell which r the parts he's just crapping about...haa....trying to coax me into staying.....but i guess he oso revealed some stuff to me dat was not supposed to be revealed to teaching staff lar....

it's farnie when he finally replied my sms tis morning "see me." sounds quite fierce huh....everyone was lining up to meet him....we even took our own queue number...haa...the nus attachee ferst...den me...but my prog head cut my queue....he was inside fer so long....see? we haf so mani tings to tell him....accumulated fer weeks....foresee pple leaving again...haiz....ferst ting boss asked me was how much my pay is....next qn was how much i wan....when i told him he quote me a higher pay n said he'll help me fight fer it....i reali hope i can entrust him on dat...i noe he will but some tings r not within his control i noe....i understand his plight too lar....but i nid to send in the paper latest tmr!!! so dat's where the dilemma lies....timing.....everyting came so last min...stressful....my other indian colleague has taken up the offer....the other malay colleague a bit doubtful bout it too...she wanted to defer fer another yr.....if i were to do the same, i guess i'll just be wasting another yr.....haiz.....

met fer zw's bdae..kinda big group todae...12 of us in total with shawn here too!! he mia fer yrs man....haa....tis zw so bz till todae den i get to see him when fri he's flying back liao....too bz meeting mani gers no time fer long time fren like me....=P but it's nice to see everyone back again....heartwarming...haa....dunno when will be the next time we'll all get tog again....

ends at 9:05 AM

Sunday, July 15, 2007Y

i'm starting to feel nervous....very nervous....cos tmr is the big dae....whether i choose to sell my 3-4 yrs of youth awae....awae to the centre....with terms n conditions out onli (n hopefulli) tmr....i guess i onli haf a few hrs to decide to stay or go....sms-ed my boss earlier tis afternoon to ask some time frm him so dat i cld discuss my pay with him....he has not replied till now....is he avoiding me? oh well...no matter wad (i hope, unless he decides not to come to office tmr), i'll still walk in to his rm tmr....just dat i guess i nid a script or sth on how to ask fer a pay rise....scared i'll b so nervous dat i fergotten wad to sae....plus i'm not the kind hoo will go arnd asking fer tings or fer help....unless i'm at my wits' end....i'll alwiz try to solve the prob myself....but i tink tis time round is just beyond my control......my colleague saes i shld be more assertive...no hums n haws....dat's tuff....no 'i tink', onli 'i believe'....dat's tuff....speak seriously...dat's worse...cos i alwiz tend to luff when i tok to my boss....his face just triggers me....another colleague gave me two tables to fill in so dat i noe more abt myself n wad my needs n wants r.....the SWOT tingy....haven tried dat yet....cos i noe eventually all will cancel off nicely.....haa....irony huh....i haf no idea wad his reply will be....probably try to brush me off or sth....or beat arnd the bush giving me an indefinite answer.....i reali hope he has something concrete for me tmr....tho i seriously doubt he could cos the time is too packed...but tis uncertainty is certainly killing me.....i successfully abstain frm tinking bout signing the papers till now....starting to feel the urgency.....n i hope my boss does too....cos it matters a lot to me....mani suggestions from mani pple....there r so mani diff factors involved....n all worse is when i do not haf ani answers nor does anione else except, perhaps, god....but the decision will still eventually lie in my own hands....argh......i hate making decisions!!!!

just found these on the net....hmm...i guess my timing not right....but there is no other time dat can make me go ask fer it liao....i shall haf faith in myself....i shall believe in myself...i shall......

How to ask for a pay rise

Asking for a pay rise is not always very easy and one needs to find the right time and the right argument to be successful. It is part of a negotiating strategy where the employee needs to have a sound rationale behind his/her request and consequently be well prepared.
Timing is key. There may be a formal slot within your organisation where your managers reviews the salaries of his/her team and makes the necessary adjustments; or they may be a period where the employee can link performance and reward together.
So start by choosing the right time to ask for the desired pay rise.You also need to build your argument and information gathered from the market is a good place to look. If however you are highly paid and your performance is not recognised as one of the top players within your organisation, it will not be easy to convince the company to give you a pay rise.
Gather reliable market information on how much a similar job is paid in a similar organisation and match it with your own skills (sources vary but you can use the internet, market salary information from well know providers such as Mercer or Watson-Wyatt, peer networks, etc.). Keep in mind that you may be paid less than a colleague in the same position, as you may be younger (experience does count!) or you may have a higher market value if for example, you speak 3 languages and have an international profile.
Once you have gathered the market information on similar roles, list all your critical skills that benefit the organisation and that others may not have (15 years of experience in the field, ability to speak different languages, international experience, having lived in different countries, degree such as an MBA from a prestigious American school, etc.). Those will help you retain and demonstrate your unique value and will add to your argument.
Make sure you can also document your performance in your current role. If you are a top performer, your manager will be likely to give you a pay rise hearing your rationale as he/she will have an interest in rewarding the top performers. If your performance is average you may want to limit your request to the level of inflation.
Keep in mind that most companies and managers prefer to give a pay rise rather than lose their best employees and they know that underpaying an employee means they run the risk of losing him/her.
Last but not least, never threaten your company with leaving if you do not get what you want. Instead, seek feedback and focus on the reasons why you are not entitled to a pay rise. Bear in mind that this is a negotiation process and if you cannot get a pay rise in the immediate future, make sure you understand why and negotiate the timing and company expectations to guarantee your next raise.

Here are ten tips to help you get out those five difficult words: 'I deserve a pay rise':
Find out how much you are worth. Ask around. Get an idea from jobs advertised, from your colleagues and your contemporaries in other companies. Are you underpaid for your role? This will help you decide and by how much!
Be confident, don't stress out. I know, as a manager of over 40 people, that it is cheaper to keep the brave little blighter who asked for a small increase than to recruit and train a new person. All sensible employers know this. Only be worried if you've been slacking off lately - your 'pay rise or I resign' speech could backfire and give your boss an easy exit.
Increase your value in the months leading up to your demand by working harder and better. Network across departments, socialise with your boss, and volunteer to help on extra things - even if it means giving up a few weekends or evenings.
Keep learning and pushing yourself. You'll never feel bad about asking for a pay increase if you're taking time out to study and get extra qualifications.
When asking for more cash, don't be aggressive. Be assertive instead. Don't threaten or moan. I always say you should prove you deserve more because of your merits, not because of other people's failings.
While you're being assertive, set some limits. How long has your boss got to think about it, what are your other options, how much do you want? Always ask for a certain amount - not just a general rise, and ask for a response within two weeks.
Second guess your boss. What objections is he or she going to raise? Anticipate the problems and come straight back at them with a legitimate answer. Be careful about being too pushy though. Some things to do with finances and budget will be out of your direct superior's hands and you must respect that.
Argue for a rise on the basis of your performance - don't say your boyfriend earns more than you and it's making you feel inadequate. And don't say your mortgage is too huge or your credit card bill needs paying off. Irrelevant! All that matters is what you do at work and what you should be making for your labour.
Always make notes about the things you have achieved and added to the company, list all your accomplishments and all the times you've worked outside and beyond your current job description. Bring all the documents to the meeting for back-up.
If you're not getting anywhere with a straightforward pay rise, negotiate for better hours, benefits and perks. Training and a travel card keeps my staff happy during tough financial times when I can't offer them the pay rises I'd like to.

ends at 1:34 AM

Friday, July 13, 2007Y

tommy's last dae

todae's the last dae fer the nus attachee....bought a cake fer him....the cake he like a lot...ever since he ate it during my student's bdae....it's realli nice....we all made him a tee shirt wif all the symbols schedule the students use frm day to day...dey made me wrap it fer him....n i put in much effort man....but i was satisfied wif the end product....

see?? klass rite....aniwae my lilies finally blossomed...but now nid to make dry flowers wif it liao....hmm...shall go find out how to do it....haa...n a card which the student made....haiz...another helper gone...now will be even more shorthanded....tho he said he'll still be back to volunteer but it'll be on a more ad-hoc basis ba.....he oso quite cham cos my boss is his lecturer n he is rarely in...so wun noe all the shitty stuff he did fer all the classes....haa.....bring students to toilet esp....he's been a great help in my previous klass...esp on the daes when my co teacher took one week's leave n we had to run the klass tog....poof....he took on none of the social werk stuff but all of the jobs of a teacher...haa....xin ku ni le!

watched harry potter wif ct just now....not very interesting i feel...mabbe onli the last part whereby there were a lot of computer effects....not much plot....n plus i din watch the last episode i was kinda lost....catch no ball...haa....aniwae, i just nid a break....

ends at 7:42 AM

Thursday, July 12, 2007Y

within a week n i had 2 (nearly 3) colleagues who broke down in the office....haiz....all these office politics is realli gettin messier each dae.....mon was the 50 yr old colleague.....todae was my dat new co teacher....kinda had a miscommunication wif another malay colleague whom i'm quite gam with....haiz...me giap in the middle....had to listen to both sides....conclusion is: the new staff is too straightforward n enthusiastic n mabbe her tonality n look la.....the malay colleague abit too sensitive....tried to clear it up but realli too touchy lar....scared i hit the wrong nerve n both explode on me tog.....haiz.....

had a clearer picture of all the terms n conditions to the nie course aft toking to the HR side todae....haiz...but still all lies with my boss....gotta wait till he comes back on mon discuss with the HR pple den draft out the bond n den i gotta decide on the spot n reply on dat very same dae!! argh.....tis realli sucks....so last min n once i fax it over there goes my 3 or 4 yrs of youth le.....wanted to take tis chance and request fer more pay......but dat wld b even more rush....cos he probably wun b able to tell me straight awae....den it will affect if i gg fer the course....n i still haf to hand in by mon!! poof......alrite...shall not tink about it animore till mon comes....i hope.....

so farnie....todae went to teach a new student hoo lives in woodlands.....piang eh...frm simei to woodlands is realli far...took me nearly 2 hrs....mabbe i shld take bus instead of train next time...had a kinda interview by the young parents....but i tink dey r quite nice....hmm...the boy is 10 n quite mature in tinking....the family's wae of bringing up kids is to treat them like an adult....but the 2 yr old son so cute!! kept coming over to hug me....tho i onli stayed in their hse fer an hr...n the dad had to sae "i've never seen him being so cuddly to anione b4..." n my student added "except u n mummy..." n there the lil kid was....hugging my leg...haa.....so adorable.....i guess i just haf some kind of affinity wif young kids.....tho some can be real devils....haa.....

ends at 8:23 AM

Wednesday, July 11, 2007Y

yest went to my new piano student (hoo is oso a child wif autism)'s hse fer the 2nd time....gosh...even if i got money i oso dun wanna stay in private hses man.....pui!! simply cos it's such an unfriendly environment....with numbers dat jump here n there....unfrenly dogs scorning n barking at me cos dey noe i'm lost n dat i dun look high klass enuff to live in dat area....stoopid road signs dat kip saying "westwood ave", "westwood drive", "westwood cres", "westwood road" n just not "westwood walk'....had a map in my hands n went round n round n round.....passer by joggers glanced at me everytime i walked pass dem....i refused to ask anione fer directions....initially i refused to take my map out cos i wanted to just recall the route myself....too bad my memory failed me....argh....n finally i found a number XX which was where my student lives....pressed the doorbell tho i was quite sure it wasnt westwood walk....but heck lar....haa...n frm outside...it looks like the hse i been to a week ago....pressed a few more times no one answerd the door....looks kinda creepy n old....so decided to walk on since i wasnt sure dat was the hse...if i cant find another same number i'll come back....meantime the skies turned darker.....n as i walked on n on....i realised i reached the main road where my dad dropped me....which i asked him to cos i wanted to find my wae there on my own....serves me rite man....okie so back to starting point....took out my map again....n i told myself....if i still cannot find it....i'm realli stoopid....so i followed the map.....but cldnt see ani link to his hse....getting frustrated as i'm abt to admit i'm stoopid liao....den u turn back n finally saw the small side road....gosh...n there it was....perspiring n hot n his hse onli has a ceiling fan dat was not at all cooling....(initially din even on lo!) but aniwae, yesh zm u're rite...it's quite dark over there...cannot imagine if i take the bro next time....haf to go back even later....

n oso on yest...(sorrie tis is backdated...haa) my 50-yr-old colleague cried at werk again...cos got some unkind remarks frm the prog head saying she's domineering the klass....wad the la....he shld come into my new klass to see wad is domineering man....fer the ferst two daes i simply was like a volunteer in the klass....my new co teacher hoo just joined us had so mani ideas fer the klass n just did wadeva she liked n said she was given the green light....tis n dat....untill todae she was on mc...last min had to take the klass...onli 2 big but young boys...haa...kena stepped on my toes fer so mani times.....but ok lar...it was good to be in control again.....but kinda felt like a children's songs jukebox and a nanny/presch teacher....nth pretty much bout autism....miss my old klass!! sobz.....but at least i had my sunshine boy in the afternoon hoo alwiz brings luffter n smiles into the klass....the downside is it is so contagious.....had to luff the whole afternoon about nothing....todae went airport n he tried to be very cheeky....came very klose to my face...stick out his tongue....11 or 12 yrs old but 1.74m tall....poof....but he's just so cute.....haa...

received the nie letter....finally....but dat was more like bad news den good news....cos the dateline fer replying was next mon...meaning the papers must reach next mon....but my boss will be back in spore on the same dae....provided he comes to office....otherwise i wun get a chance to tok bout my pay n the terms n condition liao....but bet he noes nuts too....argh!!! stuck in a job with bad mgmt....too mani issues oreadi......haiz.....all the more i having second tots again bout gg....my colleagues were kinda toking to me about it....cos dey all noe i'm confused....but i do lurve the kids.....i'll hate to leave.....all these factors making me feeling down since last week....haiz....

haiz...tmr gg to woodlands....to see a potential piano student....dunno if i still can take or if dey wan me....been travelling arnd spore every week.....werk in the east, go outings with klass everywhere, teach piano in the west n the north....poof.....stress.....realli stress.....n with my piano teacher buggin me every week trying to dissuade me frm werking there n wanting me to become a full time piano teacher....

i'm tired.....but i cant sleep
i'm tired.....but i still haf lotsa paper werk to clear
i'm tired.....of tinking thru bout the same old decision i haf to make
i'm tired.....of naggin at my piano students dat their exams r round the corner

i'm tired.....of being a perfectionist
(even when wrapping a gift....shall post a pic of it soon.....)

ends at 8:05 AM

Sunday, July 08, 2007Y

hmm....been pondering fer weeks about how to tell if someone is realli ur fren or is he/she just making use of u....it's a tuff one...cos till now i've yet to come to ani conclusion....mabbe time is the best factor....okie...dun get me wrong...i'm not implying dat anione is trying to make use of me...not dat i'm of much help to anione....but it just kinda bothers me when pple whom i've known fer mabbe a few mths becomes klose to u just so dat u can help him/her with tis n dat...as a 'fren' i'll help of cos...i rarely sae no to pple....but just wanted to make sure dat i wasnt taken for granted....i'll realli hate dat....haiz....if onli there was an easier wae out to test water...to reveal the person's last card b4 he/she show hand....haa....n when dat happens tings can be quite disastrous oreadi...besides some pple realli noe how to make use of their physical appearance to get pple to do everyting fer dem....(i noe tis sounds like i'm pointing at some gers but guys r included too k!)....hmm.....

todae my oldest piano student (who is gg to uni soon) asked me if i wanna teach her ex colleague....i'm like...huh.....it's a guy...25 yrs old somemore....cannot imagine dat lor....wierd!!! yest jj oso msg me sae she wanna learn piano...haa...frens still ok lar....can guide lar...but someone i dunno....eh....no lar....remembered one of my students' mum asked if i can teach her too....haa....shld just set some basic rules...no teaching of fren's relatives or family....n no teaching of pple older or same age as me...haa....

ends at 6:41 AM

Friday, July 06, 2007Y

ends at 8:12 AM

ryan's tantrum

my last dae at shalom ended on a sad note...R threw a tantrum which i haven seen b4....everytime he tantrums i wasnt arnd....now i get to see it n get a taste of it myself....he is my most docile student...felt guilty dat i cldnt help him even tho he told me his thumb was painful fer mani times....he was realli perturbed by it....all i did was pasted a plaster.....n obviously it din werk...he peeled it off...he suddenly ran out of the classroom after break...to the calming rm...n of cos i ran after him...another student was resting there....dat student refused to get out n even shouted at my student to "Get out!" even tho he saw him in a very upsetting state...R got even worse n started whacking me on the head...den some of my colleagues came running to my rescue..ran out to the main lobby area n started crying n resting on the sofa...n when my colleague T tried to calm him down he whacked us again....den he ran into class...which i was so scared of...cos he mite affect the rest....but he stood at a corner n stopped there covering his ears...still cldnt calm down....started whacking again....tis time on my back mani times...grabbed n dug his nails into our arms....head bang T, scrunched up her face, and pulled out strands of her hair.....felt so bad fer her....her face even kena scratched...bet the blue blacks will come on soon....managed to grabbed his one arm hoping dat someone else will grab his other swinging arm....no one managed to...n i got whacked somemore....till i gave instruction to grab his other arm...den we managed to pull him to the calming rm where he kicked n hit himself so hard...haiz....he kept crying.....haiz...heartache....

so in the end i din had a proper gdbye session wif my klass...cos i was toking to the dad n the grandpa....supposed to call the mum but i haven....shucks...shall do it tmr....sent my other kids off n one mother bought a big bouquet of flowers fer me....touched....it's so consoling....all my other colleagues din get aniting....but i guess cos dat family is more into formalities...high klass pple....so must show their gesture of appreciation....nevertheless....it made me felt better....a little....

in the afternoon i had B...he's such a sunshine boi....the whole time i was wif him he kept smiling n luffing....which can be v tiring....n like the volunteer said....it's infectious....the 3 of us kept smiling n luffing at each other fer no gd reason.....hahaha......but it did cheered me up....so wierd to haf a volunteer when i onli had one student n he was very manageable....but well....gd lar...at least someone to tok to lo.....but argh....his favourite song frm the sing-along CD is stuck in my head...."dey r dancing~dey r dancing~"

after werk met up wif my long lost pri sch fren who now werks in the same hospital as me as an occupational therapist.....we wanted to meet up ever since we knew we were werking in the same bldg....was nice to chat up to find out how each other is doing.....=)

next week shall be a new start....new klass...new co teacher....new system....new way of teaching....wad bothers me most is how to werk wif the new staff...she seems a bit aloof towards me the past few weeks....hardly tok....now haf to werk tog....todae's discussion seemed fine....but hard to tell yet lar....n besides she's been wif the boys fer the past week while i haven....new anxiety......

ends at 7:25 AM

Wednesday, July 04, 2007Y

it's kinda cfm dat next week onwards i'll be in another klass liao....so unsettling! tis week my co teacher not around so i had to werk wif the social werk attachee n a new staff....tho the guy was quite helpful but still cant compare to if my co teacher is arnd lar....worse is when he tell me tis fri he not coming...gosh....so it's just me n the new staff....she's kinda old n i haf to repeat tings fer her cos she alwiz dun get wad i said the ferst time round.....poof....

todae's eva's last dae....sobz...gave her a sphere shaped puzzle...autism is alwiz represented as puzzle pieces....so i hope she'll rem us....went jp to buy quite late yest aft my new piano boy who is oso asd....he's quite cute...but his hse is quite ulu lar...n scarie....dark n isolated....aniwae, we had kfc n sarpino's fer lunch todae....boss not arnd to gif treat....he's awae fer another 2 weeks lor....haiz...alwiz awae! so sad dat eva had to leave without a treat, n tis time round the colleagues din gif ani money or wad to her...usu dat's our practice lar.....haiz....realli hope she'll come back after her so-called "study leave".....miss those fun n challenging daes we had wif the older group.....i din shed a tear tis time....i guess i haf become stronger....or i'm pinning hopes dat she'll be back to werk tog again.....

ends at 7:58 AM