feel super lousy todae.....the piano kids r having their prac exam soon....i'm not feeling as stressed as past yrs...not becos they r all well-prepared....(in fact, they r the least prepared tis yr....all of dem...) but cos i tink i've kinda given up.....all the wae up till next wed i'm having klasses every single dae...last-min extra lessons....some of them tried to practise...hoping some miracle will happen...some dun bother....some r consistent....worst is dat student when i scolded him every week he dun practise...now he practise 4-5 hrs a dae....crazy.....realli gave up on him last sundae....realli felt dat he shld just fail (not dat i'm being evil or wad)....at least he learns his lesson from his failure and not continue to suffer fer the next higher grade....but seeing dat he put in effort n he improved quite a lot....i feel i shld just try to pull him up....(as if i were of much help...) wad realli made me lousy was the guy hoo is quitting str aft exams....told him i still owe him 2 lessons...cos mum oreadi paid....he settled fer one lesson...the other lesson he asked me not to come...."u dun nid to come...i will just practise on my own..." damn hurting....as if i'm redundant....perhaps i m....but at least i'm there to push him on....n considering the fact dat he dun usu tok alot...he dared to voice tis out to me.....irritating....
poof....all i did fer tis short one week sch hols is to go on trainings....went fer a one-day brain-based learning werkshop...super interactive...kip mixing arnd wif pple in the room...din haf much time to warm the seat den haf to move about again...but tis werkshop is more fer mainstream teachers lo...dunno send us there fer wad.....haiz...den comes the 5-dae curriculum planning werkshop....onli mi wendy my supervisor n boss attended....it's one of those super stressing course whereby u nid to sit in small groups n discuss most of the time....n being the new kid in the block everyone was curious abt my background n my centre...interrogation time.....mani of those pple kinda look down on us....ostracised us.....feel down in the pits lo....felt so small among the experienced teachers n principals (tis werkshop mostly fer the high-ranking pple) wanna stand up fer my centre but how to? dunno wad to sae...it's true to a certain extent wad dey tink....but unconstructive critisms r not welcomed....sorry....dun wan to offend the ministry's officials (i hate tis lady in ncss terribly...grrr...) n weaken 'bilateral' ties wif other schs....got to noe more pple there...tho dey dun reali care hoo i m....the pple in my table r generally quite nice...n i'm glad fer dat....my poor colleagues haf been bombarded wif qns.....but i must admit overall i feel sped teachers r kinda wierd....their bhv n thinking wise....makes me feel scared....haf to self reflect from time to time to see if i'm becoming lidat too.....gulp....
haf been in tis dilemma fer long long time....shld i stay or shld i go? boss brought up our challenges which i deeply feel fer....but at the same time it created a sense of insecurity.....i realli dunno wad i'm in fer....piano-wise...feel like quitting cos i dun wanna restrict the potentials of my students....but den again....i've been wif dem fer years...it's not dat ez to let go....argh.....if i wanna go...where shld i head towards? i've no idea.
