life's pretty meaningless when everyday u stay home....watch tv from dusk til dawn n go sleep again....bin trying to look fer the goal in my life...but i'm just too damn lazi to go figure out....everyting dat i wanted to do...i never did...or dat i planned to do....i never realise dem....wad's gg on wif my life??? guess i'm just being too comfortable wif my life dat i cant be bothered to change it....or u can also call me serene the procrastinator....i dunno y but i just wan to 'wait fer my results' (to be released on tuesday *gulp*) n decide wad i wan to do in life...tink dey call tis escapism...n no doubt, i'm one such escapee...=)
been reading a self-help book on understanding myself....but somehow...no help to me...perhaps i'm not focussing on myself but just reading the book page by page....perhaps all along thruout my life i've lost sight of wad i wan to do due to the surrounding environment...the outside factors r pushing me to somewhere where the inside element of me is retaliating....but becos i've reached thus far....it's quite impossible to get to where i ferst begun...dey call it the sunken cost...yep...
i'm standing at the crossroad...not noeing where to head...so i believe in standing still n not pursuing aniting else unless i'm sure dat tis is where dat will lead to my destination....i'm just too afraid to move on cos one wrong move will lead me elsewhere....i lack the confidence n courage to even take dat very ferst step...n tho i may noe dis much about myself (despite alwiz claiming dat i dunno myself well)....i cant seem to get myself out of tis tinking....been trying hard to rid myself of the low self-esteem....believe me....dunno ever since when has my self-esteem gone lower n lower...haa...hmm....
u may tink i'm now low in my pits or sounding quite sad n pitiful....but no...i'm just being contented wif my life....n very contented dat is....not wanting ani negative changes but oso in the hope of finding the light amist the clouds....hmm....shld go into somemore deep thinking...(^.<)
