~s.e.r.e.n.e.~

2010-05-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

y is it every time when i have decided to give up, things will pop up again to leave me confused, leave my tots running wild, tinking that there is a possibility of me getting wad i wan? Noeing myself, i do become dis-illusioned easily...too easily...i realli tink too much but my actions just dun show what i realli wan...maybe i'm shy...maybe i'm afraid of getting hurt...thus unable to commit myself to work fer wad i want in life....

Well, guess even ben n jerry's cldn't do the trick to nake me feel better....:S

the prickly pain is slowly devouring my soul...

2010-04-18T00:04:00.000-07:00

the prickly pain is slowly devouring my soul....

the pain of disappointment....when u tried to reach out but there was no response ir when the door closed on u...

the pain of guilt...when ur intention was to help someone but ended up hurting someone...

2009-09-06T10:46:00.000-07:00

MaYdAy WiThDrAwAl.....
just wanna post their songs everywhere...

2009-09-04T22:16:00.000-07:00

Written by one of the students....

*Teachers' Day Poem*

***Geniuses they might be,
**Noblemen they can be,
**But they choose to be,
**Are better than what the geniuses and noblemen can be,

**Building bridges for young minds to reach maximum height where they can be,
**Acheiving abilities from the incapabilities they see could be,
**Knowing that where they should be,
**Bringing this world more geniuses and noblemen which they can create to be.
**Happy Teachers' Day!***

*Love,*
*Siang*

argh...me alwiz easily to touched by wad the students do...*sniff*

i have yet to open any of my presents....wanna preserve the feeling i have with each student before opening up every single one.....

2009-07-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

school's started fer nearly 2 weeks now...happie dat the students are taking the new place quite well....phew....but the stairs are realli killing me by now....mi running all over the place just makes my knees worse...nid to drink more milk....

was hoping the new sch cld bring more happiness in everyone...well, apparently not so true...tings seem fine...but somehow when it comes to discussion between my fellow oics are just difficult....i'm like debating everytime....mabbe i'm too used to tings being done my wae....n now dat siti joins in the group after her nie training, she realli wans her voice heard....just makes me feel crumpled when i tok to her...sounds like all along mi n yh haven been doing a gd job n it sure aint a gd feeling despite all the hard work we have put in....so unfair fer her to make such statements...

these 2 daes really suay....yest got scratched, today got kok on the head, slapped on my arm, pinched on my arm...haiz..just have to blame myself fer being a busybody....heh....=P

glad dat i finally went to the movies aft a long long time...sat watched ice age 3 wif ct and mon watched transformers wif clara...mabbe it's time to get my movie kaki out...but knowing myself...alwiz so lazi....

tmr's gonna be a long day....going into 2 classes - one in morning, one in afternoon, then staying back till late for the parent support group on sexuality education....

ferst day of the move!

2009-06-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

thumbs up to the movers guys! great job! realli tuff for them to move 9 lorry-loads of stuff up the 4 storeys...*salute* despite the hot weather, the exhaustion, they still manage to stay jovial n crack jokes wif me...den while resting they all went into an air-con blast room and singing and sleeping arnd....so paiseh to go in n ask them do werk....once i stepped in they knew i had werk fer them....=P n all men somemore...only ah leong responded positively..."no problem! small matter..we ought to do it!" heh....den all the rest kept making fun of him....everytime i ask them to do werk they will say "mei wen ti!" (-.-)''' i was the main 'commander' for todae at guillemard....heh....sounds great hor...enjoyed werking wif them more than with my teachers...haiz....but it just means sai gang la...climb up down left right again....but i was v energetic even at the end of the day! must salute myself too! haa....but was again sticky at the end of the day....ended up having dnr at geylang again....guess i will be hanging arnd dat area often frm now on....nice food there lar..probably go eat durian there one day...

really want to advertise fer the movers....

http://www.breakthroughmissions.org/SVCS_services.html

before the move....my table n boxes....these are just the loose things i got my dad sent over for me....had 3 other big boxes of stuff...surprised that i could pack everyting in!

me amidst the chairs....

hidden amongst the boxes...

even the school logo was taken down....

Here are the efficient movers...

me trying to figure out which furniture goes where...

tada~! the neatest class so far....

more updates coming up...

preparing for the move

2009-06-16T09:08:00.001-07:00

tomorrow's the big day! our school will be moved to guillemard! aniticipating the growth of my school...so much we can do there aft we have our own premise....no nid to see the faces of the nurses and docs at samh....they alwiz complain our students...give us stares....cant wait fer us to leave...but we cant wait to leave too! altho the environment and facilities are not as good as wad we have now, at least it's ours~!

todae bz checking all the boxes, stock-taking....then pack my things...lots of other tings my dad gotta help me send over....heh...was carrying all the heavy boxes todae....so much so that i'm starting to ache...dunno if i will have energy left fer tomorrow...hmm....

took some pics before the move...will upload them soon!

2009-06-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

woah...suffering from shoulder ache man...was moving furniture in the new school todae...tho i just have to direct the men to move the tings here n there, i kept on running up down left right the whole 4 storeys...untill i was so blur...dunno which side the rooms are...gosh....and my, the weather really had no mercy! the power supply wasnt running untill afternoon...so humid....yucks...sticky all over....

2 of our students and their mums came to help set up the lounge...nice set-up and my students helped to clean up...good job! n plus they bot lunch for us somemore.....heh....

the whole experience was quite entertaining...setting up a new place from scratch....seeing empty rooms become nice offices.....we set up the staff room and my oic room....at least better than the space we have now....thanks to the guys from BreakThru...they are generally jovial, hardwerking pple....it was nice toking to them...even tho we kinda made them make some extra trips....=P

looking forward to seeing them on wed....

我们变成了世上最熟悉的陌生人如果当初在交会时能忍住了也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里沉沦

2009-06-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

farewell paulina

2009-05-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

bye paulina...thank you for all that you have done...deeply appreciate everything u have done for the sch, fer me, and fer the kids...will miss the daes we spent together...the fun we had, the tears we shed, the challenges we overcame....but still, wanna wish u all the best to ur new life in canada....*muakz*

******************************************

yesterday was our family day...the last event that paulina planned....i noe yen will miss her most....n i hope she will stay strong without her encouragement....i will miss all her morning smses to brighten up my day and to motivate me...parents all missed her for the help they have given to their children....n i'm sure the students will miss her too...paulina is one of the best teachers we had....we need more teachers like her!! whitney houston's greatest love of all.....one of the songs she sang at one of our ktv sessions....nice song....shld be dedicated to everyone....

was very glad yesterday went well....it nearly rained....and we were deciding whether to continue with the bbq....n luckily, we sailed thru again!!! like we alwiz do!!! n it was nice to see everyting work out....for paulina's sake....had games, performace by the park....it was cool....hoped everyone enjoyed it....paulina, yen, yh n angela stayed over at dac to do the prep werk....then yest morning we were bz frying and cooking and buying things.....moving things...i realised i quite strong....shitz...can carry a table on my own....

after dat we went fer joyride arnd spore man.....couldnt decide where to go n in the end we spent almost 2hrs on the road!!! all the suggestions we threw out, we actually passed by all of them....cos begum kept on making the wrong turns!!! omg....tampines, clarke quay, havelock road, sentosa, fort canning, tanjong pagar, bukit timah, bukit merah...and the list goes on....gosh....in the end we were all soooo tired!! we ended up eating supper at railway station at tanjong pagar and went salsa (which was the original plan!!) at amara hotel....

wanted to spend more time with paulina....but time has ran out...cldnt help but cried while toking to her over the phone juz now before she flew off...haiz...gd ting i din go send her off at airport....still rem the day she told me she's leaving n asked me not to tell anione yet, i dropped tears immediately....never ever guessed i can b so emo.....i have never cried in front of my frens....since sch daes...i was alwiz able to control my tears...but not tis time round.....*embarrassing*

from now on, we have to learn to live the daes without her...*sobz*

2009-05-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

my blog revived....

2009-05-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

my blog is finally revived and saved from all the viruses....wanted to do tis long time ago but din have the motivation...n changing blogskin is very mafan...

been busier than ever....having to miss lunches and dinners...very pathetic at times....but i enjoy the pia-ing sometimes...just keeps me going n going....lots of things to settle...lots of events...lots of werk.....with the move to the temporary holding sch at guillemard, we are all gonna go on a roller-coaster ride this june...n i guess i cant clear my leave frm last yr again....but dat's okie...cos reali excited abt the new sch....n gd ting fer my dad, now i werk just opposite his werkplace...so he need not send me to simei animore...=) will definitely miss the hospital after werking there for close to 4 yrs...

hope i can sustain my blog tis time round...

2008-12-31T08:52:00.000-08:00

sad news on the last day of 2008..

cancelled my leave on 31st cos i wasnt feeling too settled with sch just starting in 2 day's time n i'm totally not prepared...the classroom wasnt prepared too....

early in the morning, my colleague came to me with a card...and asked me if i knew WZ's aunt....WZ is a potential 16 yr old student who is starting sch this coming jan...well, i've met him and the aunt during one of the parent support groups....
Me: yar...kind of...met her but din really talk to her...y?
Colleague: cos WZ died.

i was stumped for words. Huh?? Died? She passed me a condolences card for me to sign on. Apparently this boy fell to his death in his flat on the 9th storey. it was a freak accident. And if it wasnt that she wanted to remind the aunt about his enrolment date, i guess we will only find out on the very dae...it's so unbelievable...too sudden...he was one of the rare high-functioning kids we were going to take in...once studied in mainstream...n during the parent support group he kept making eye contact wif me n yh, trying to disturb us cos he was too bored....

life is just so vulnerable. one day u happen to meet this someone, n the next minute you talk about him he has vanished from this world.

My sincere condolences to the family and loved ones. WZ, may you rest in peace.

2008-12-15T09:18:00.000-08:00

wun be updating on my korea trip day by day. planning to do up a scrap book. just wished i had enuff time. so to force myself to have enuff time, i bought lotsa materials so that i can start on it anitime. plus it's gonna be a sunken cost if i dun start on it. this trip really costs me a bomb. but it was worth it!! so when the book is done i'll bring it arnd...but, mabbe gimme a yr to do it...hahaha.....i seriously hope i dun take so long...just like the one for my taiwan trip...till now i din touch it...=P

lotsa interesting characters in my tour group....mostly families...the kids were cute...a few teachers in the group too....n the old folks are quite farnie in their own wae too.....

my ferst time to see snow!!! it just livens up the mood!! tho winter seems to be cold n unfeeling, but it wasnt like dat! i felt really excited! despite the brutal coldness....it ranged from -20deg to around 5 deg....ferst few daes were unbearable...but the last few days when i snowed, the coldness was secondary...

went skiing, horse-riding, submarine, swimming in the cold, everland theme park which was like a winter wonderland (everland....forever you'll feel like a child there n wants to stay there forever), teddy bear museum, climing up to icy mountains, steep cable car rides, blown away by the winds, made kimchi, wore hanbok, slept on tatami in the ski resort, shop a whole street in 1 hr...2 shopping malls in another hr, ate kimchi n side dishes fer every meal, eat ice cream in the cold, saw my idol life-sized, listened to korean songs while i fall asleep in the hotel n on the plane....

it was a good enuff exposure....wanna go back again!!! mabbe in spring....or maybe all 3 of the other seasons....i miss korea!!!! *sobz*

the song below was blasted at almost every other shop we went to n over the mtv channels there...cute mtv with catchy tune....

2008-12-15T08:15:00.000-08:00

imagine this.

there were less than 10 staff in the whole sch. all was so quiet but it was such a stressful day. early in the morning, i received a call for MC on my way to werk. had to send replacement teacher to the other centre. n dat teacher's hp was off. had to call office line to get him.

ordered mac. but cos i was orientating this new staff who joined us todae, so i din eat. wanted to wait till i finished. but before i could finish, i met boss in the office when he was supposed to b on leave. n he wanted to meet that replacement teacher to do up some slides urgently. had to msg the other centre's OIC to send him back in the afternoon. then boss wanted to meet me n programme coordinator. my other 2 fellow OICs not around. so we went in and talked for nearly 4 hours on a new site n programmes. during the meeting, i had calls frm my dental clinic to remind me of my appt tmr. they called many times but i couldnt answer. the other OIC msg me to remind me to remind the prog coordinator that he needs to talk to a teacher who cldnt make up her mind whether she wants to stay in the centre or come back to sch side. haiz. n during the meeting i was sms-ing another colleague to help me finish orienting the new staff who was waiting for me. felt bad. but no choice. then my colleague msged me to ask how many days of compassionate leave everyone has. n the teacher aide had menses cramp n she sent me an sms to ask me to help her. didnt read her sms untill much later. oops. but how to help?

after the long meeting wif boss, we had an additional report to do. we met up wif the indecisive teacher aft dat. cos it's gonna affect the teachers allocation again. i dunno how mani times we've gone thru this. there was another teacher who had problems coping wif the job scope. so that was another story. so we talked to her fer an hr or so before i ate my mac breakfast at 2pm. wad the crap.

n before i could walk out wif my prog coordinator fer lunch, my volunteer came. so wif my supervisor waiting fer me fer lunch at my door, i had to settle the tings for my volunteer to do while i go lunch. gosh. n lunch was werk still. but at least we squeezed out 5 min to go shopping arnd cgh. how exciting.

so back in the office, we discovered boss had left. so the teacher who came back from the other centre actually came back for nth. argh. then when i called boss, he said he's not coming back. best. had to discuss the filming wif him over the phone. and at the same time teach my volunteer how to use a particular software. then my prog coordinator called to say he was gg home. gosh. while i stayed till 6+pm again. i really wonder y even during sch holidays i can be this bz. when i was packing my tings to go off, i saw my whole water bottle full. i hadnt drank a sip this whole day. n not to mention gg to the toilet! poof.

rushed down to boon lay frm simei to teach piano. ended at arnd 10pm. still hadnt called this filming company who wants to film our sch urgently, like wed. heck. shall call them tmr morning. but i'm on leave! still....haiz. n i probably wun go on leave if it werent for my dental appt. but it'll be a gd time fer me to do some shopping which i left off at korea. regrets. n so many presents to buy. will still be teaching piano tmr morning ferst. haiz.

who lives a life like mine? at a meeting i can hold conversations wif 3-4 other colleagues via sms. walk along the corridor, there are 3 persons talking to me at the same time. (hey pple, where are the social skills we teach our students?) finally had time for lunch at 2pm but it was actually my breakfast. din haf a chance to sit down at my table the whole day. no time to check emails. no time to pack n clean the ants off my table. sleep at wee hours in the morning everyday.

imagine this happens every single day.

i feel bad towards my frens who tried to contact me. sms me for a meet up. sms me for a gathering. sms me to tell me their woes. my response time is getting longer. sometimes i have no answers immediately. cos my schedule is all packed. plus my piano schedule is also in a mess towards the end of the yr. i spend little time wif family n minimal time wif frens. hardly even come online to blog or msn. i haven been a good listening ear. but a troublesome fren to have. of cos i dun like it when i'm the limiting factor to arrange for a gathering.

my dearest frens n family, i'm really sorry if there are times when i can't cope up wif everything. it's just all too overwhelming for me. i'm oreadi multi-tasking at a speed even i myself didn't believe i can.

tmr shall go fer retail therapy! n christmas shopping shall be fun!!

2008-12-15T07:38:00.001-08:00

ever since the last 2 weeks of sch...i've been superbly bz....bz wif wad, u may ask...i haf no idea....tings past so quickly i cant even get it etched in my brain....i guess it was all the paperwerk before sch ended....progress reports, scheduling for parent meetings, end-of-yr party, planning for next yr, appraisals of my teachers....argh....the progress reports alone nearly killed me...2am in the nite i'm so pek chek from marking the teachers' reports....teachers'...yesh u heard me rite....super low standard english....my english is oreadi not v good but theirs....gosh....direct translation never mind...worse is when it's direct translation plus bad grammar....so much so dat my co teacher reminded me to send him for grammEr course....had to sms him back to say it's grammAr.....faints....dunno to luff or get upset.....poof....

then came the preparation for my korea trip....absolutely no winter wear....no time to shop n buy....n gosh....there was a hell of tings i dun haf...from head to toes....thank god my colleague offered me her winter wear...n i managed to fit in....phew.....only bought my ear muffs (so glad i bot them! my ears super sensitive to cold....), woollen socks, 1 woollen gloves, and 1 ski gloves, hat, long johns....n not fergetting moisturizer n lip balm fer the very dry weather...

my sis helped me buy long johns....i bot the hat, socks n woollen gloves like less than a week before...the ski gloves n ear muffs i bot them just b4 i boarded the plane at east point....yesh....i was werking on the friday before i fly off....had to bring my luggages to werk dat dae lor....sigh....

it was raining heavily dat nite n my sis came to meet me at my werk place...cleared all my werk till the v last min....still cldnt get them done...but heck...i had a plane to catch! so handed over to my colleague to help me wif it...heh....felt bad....but now she go holiday i have to take over....=(

but once i was at the airport....i was a little stressed....looked forward but at the same time scared...cos dunno if i can take the cold.....never been to cold countries b4....plus all the late nites for the past few weeks.....unbearable....but on the plane i slept a little....cldnt fall into deep slp....mabbe cos of the excitement....n dat finally i'm away from werk....no wae of checking emails...tho my colleagues still msg me via hp while i was there.....haiz...din reply them man....so off....

it was a really fun trip.....enjoyed myself so much i din want to come back....in terms of activities, it was realli packed wif interesting activities.....but the only regret was....shopping time was too little....wanna go back again in another season man!! i'm missing it oreadi when i'm on the plane....haiz.....will share abt my trip in the next post...

aniwae, i went back to werk the very next dae cos i haf straight 3 day meetings again....despite that i touched down spore at 10+pm the day before....haiz....sad life....so from then on....i felt like i had no break....cos i'm again v tired....too packed wif werk....planning to do....documents to track....errands to run....n the list goes on n on....i haf no idea how i will survive next yr....told boss during my appraisals...i'm too tired...too stretched....

2008-12-01T05:08:00.000-08:00

sorrie if i'm alwiz so last min...but peeps, i'm on my wae to see won bin~!!! am at the airport now and flying off in another 1.5 hours! so exciting....have been rushing thru my werk just now n finally kinda cleared all by dumping it to my colleague...=P

so c u all...will be back when i'm back...haa...dat's 8th dec...next tues....ciaoz~!!!

2008-11-19T09:17:00.001-08:00

Boiling Mad. Frustrated. Irritated. Pek Cek.

at 1am.

Can't wait to start work tomorrow so that i can strangle some necks.

How to sleep lidat....

AARRGGGHH!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

latest update...my co-teacher oso an aquarian!!! he super atypical of the characteristics of an aquarian lo....hmm...not fergetting my music therapist n mabbe the assessment specialist....poof....such a long list....

went to another special sch todae n met this acquaintance....we have a common fren....n i've finally found someone whose portfolio is v similar to mine!!! hee....we were both ajcians....just dat she was frm arts stream....n den went on to psych in nus....werked in special sch ever since we graduated....for 3+ yrs....haven gone for the dip in special ed.....haa....we both have the same reservations! haa....i guess her life is better den mine tho....she used to werk wif the younger kids like 6-7 yrs of age....so cute! (tho dey can be terrors too) but now she is taking 2 11-yr-olds....whereby one of them may be referred to my sch....she asked me bout the older kids...mentioned dat werking there she onli gets to see the students till 12 yrs old...haa...den she shld come over to my side!! we grow old wif the students....heh....sounds like a gd slogan eh...."growing old wif you~"

so glad to find a fren who shares the same job as me wif similar background....i guess it could be just assurance dat i seek such dat i dun feel out of place not werking in high-paying jobs, in cbd area, wearing formal attire....hmm....

2008-10-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

Aquarius is a fixed air sign, which means that Aquarians relate to the world through thought and can be inflexible in their approach to life. They have strong beliefs about life that they will steadfastly maintain in the face of opposition from others.

Aquarians are usually friendly and are often original thinkers. They possess inventive, even erratic minds and can be described as truly broad-minded. Computing, science, invention, radio and television all appeal to Aquarians as career paths.

With their flair for invention and problem-solving, Aquarians often choose obscure solutions.
When Aquarians first meet someone, they scrutinise them carefully. Not to determine their strengths and weakness (as a Virgoan would), but to examine their ideas and beliefs. Aquarians want to know what others think and believe, and why.

Aquarians are usually intuitive people, although not in the traditional way. In place of sitting still and clearing the mind in order to be open to new information, the Aquarian often leaps to the correct conclusion without knowing how they did so.

This is an interesting sign, in that it is a combination of tradition and innovation. They seek new approaches to old problems and often have to contend with their inner traditionalist which resists change.

Although very focused mentally on the subjects which interest them, they have a tendency to be absent-minded, especially about mundane things in life. Imagine a brilliant scientist who cannot record his or her theory on paper until they find their glasses, which are pushed up onto their head.

They are not usually argumentative, nor do they talk for the sake of it. Conversation to these people is for the exchange of ideas, but they argue about principles and ideals which they hold strongly.

Although gentle by nature, Aquarians can become fierce when there is a change to be made or when their freedom is at stake. When fighting a cause, they argue clearly and convincingly, and will undergo great personal sacrifice for the benefit of the group as a whole. They look to the future, pushing for what could be rather than working to maintain the present circumstances. Routine does not appeal to Aquarians, for they enjoy new frontiers and exploring life's possibilities.

Exploring other countries, cultures and philosophies comes naturally to Aquarians, and they can be impatient with those whom they feel are narrow-minded.
Aquarians love to explore new things and as children they are keen to question the world and accepted beliefs. Aquarian children need to limit the time they spend around electrical toys and video games, as Uranus, Aquarius's ruling planet, also rules body electricity. Overexposure to electrical games can accelerate the Aquarian child's electrical or nervous energy, causing them to become easily exhausted and depleted.

Aquarians sometimes like to shock those around them out of their complacency.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

my boss is an aquarian. my new programme head is an aquarian. my ex programme head is also an aquarian. so m i n my other oic. how great. 5/8 in the team are aquarians. too many aquarians can spoil the soup.

we are all thinkers. problem-solvers. but in different ways. probably it differs from our blood type...hmm...

yesterday's meeting ended on a bad note. not sure if i shld be glad i had class in the afternoon. we have been werking v v hard to plan for the end of the year n the upcoming yr. we actualli met up on friday from 5-10pm str without dnr!! there's just soooo much of thinking n planning to do! yet so little time! we nid to be realli efficient. seriously. but it seemed like a backlash between my current n ex programme head. my ex programme head still comes in occasionally to advise n be a consultant. he can be quite opinionated n just one wrong ting u did he will rem fer life n kip bringing dat case up. unfortunately my new programme head is one detailed, meticulous and data-driven guy who werks all the nitty-gritties out. which can be gd fer a change. mani tings not in place. but he has planned them. or is planning them. mi n my other oic realli werked doubly hard under him. so much planning to do. so much statistics! numbers realli drive me nuts. wad disgusted me most yest was when my ex programme head turned the finger at us as to y we r not putting tings in place n dat tings r all falling apart. dat's such an unfair statement!! he jolly well noe how much werk we r doing even when he was wif us. now dat he's gone it doesnt mean dat we haf less werk to do lo! it's like trying to say we r not keeping up wif the tings he put in place. com'on the documentation part for one is all not done up since he was here. n he dare to ask where they r. duhz.

politics. again. just dat i'm now cot in between the management woes. the other oic got it worse. another staff, a track head, has been 'advising' n 'cautioning' her about the new programme head. my gut feel: he is not trying to corner us into believing wadeva he suggests. i dunno. i may be wrong. one ting fer sure, they have been in the work life longer than i did n assumingly can 'see' pple better. but i still trust in my intuition. tings seemed a little awkward todae.

i guess i just haf to be objective n see fer myself which solution best serves the students, parents n org. even if it is a wrong judgement, i wun regret making dat decision. cos i din based it on a subjective pt of view. the other oic is wavering. cos of wad the track head told her. haiz. it's difficult to see the whole big picture n make a decision based on all the factors.

shucks, i'm toking more n more like my superior now. shucks. tis aint gd.

2008-10-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

oh my....my last post was actualli in earlie sept....gosh...was so bz wif so mani tings...

watched F1 practice run....thanks to my dad's fren....thot it must be some standing seats...but no!! it was so classy dat mi n my sis felt out of place....it was on those stand where it's air conditioned....buffet from hard rock cafe...n served wine n liquor too....but it was freezing cold in there....not v exciting....n extremely deafening....the onli interesting was when we tried v hard to catch the cars using our camera phones...haa....dat was fun...cos out of 10 pics, probably only one is successful....haa....it realli wasnt v much interesting...i prefer watching the tv....cos at least i get to see all the cars in action...n the gears n power they used....rather than swinging my head frm left to right everytime a car passes....haa...

my best shot.....massa from ferrari if i'm not wrong...

had my braces for my upper teeth...now more used to it oreadi...but the friction can be unbearable at times...initially ate onli soft foods n my most hated food...porridge....yucks...but now i heck liao....eat most other stuff as long as it's not too hard n sticky....had to spend so much time on my teeth nowadaes....=S

gd news frm moe...but dat onli means we've got more werk to do before next year...poof...

children's day combined outing was tiring....i went for both sessions...morning was scorching hot...n den had to handle a tantrum there too...massive....left so mani scars n blood on my hands....n my colleagues' arms...head banged on my chest till next dae got chest pain....aft a long while b4 the mum arrived....hectic...den joined my own class for the outing n just as we were about to have fun, it rained heavily...well...it definitely was a different kind of experience!! getting wet is fun!

then had a 2 daes off for children's day n hari raya!! thanks boss! heh....no other sch gets 2 daes k....so i went shopping n the hairdresser's....as usual, collin wanted me to change my hairstyle...yesh...totally agree....n so she permed my hair.....but now it's more or less straightened liao.....waste money....

booked my holidays for dec....desperately need a break....even at an expensive cost....gg korea for 8 daes...n it's gonna be my ferst experience in a cold climate....*won bin~!! i'll c u there k!!!* heh....at least dat was settled....went to so mani agencies to check out the packages...guess tis one suits mi n my sis most....

the ferst ever saac camp just ended...was so looking forward to it...serious....spent lots of time making tings for my team....i'm the team leader btw....i guess tis role suits me best...heh....but unfortunately for the whole of last week i lost my voice! mon n tues was so bad....my asd piano student commented my voice was "not nice to hear".....*krang* i made name tags for them lar....spent my sleeping hours making props fer the performance lar....i must admit i did a gd job...using my creativity n churning out nice garlands, hat, hula skirts etc....i dun mind losing those hours of sleep! i love doing all this kinda bo liao stuff....i dunno y...haa...crazy rite? the last dae was realli tiring...aft losing so mani hours of sleep, n gg w/o breakfast, i had to cycle in tandem wif R (who was my ex-student)....mum specifically requested me to do the job...cos i did dat last yr....so wierd....the boy is like so much more taller than me liao lor...so we went cycling for more den 1/2 hr.....cos the bike was realli slow....n finally when we went back to the group, one of my class boys went missing....he was cycling alone...so i dropped R n picked up a single bike n dashed to look for him....dad was there lor....black-faced man....so scared....luckily the helper found him....poof....so difficult to look aft everyone....luckily most of the students in my group had parents or helpers accompanying them...else i where got time to go cycle wif R who isn't even in my group.....super tired aft dat...just lazed around over the weekend...

the hat dat was made from a pandan cake cover n brown paper...

the flower garlands which i took so long to complete...had to make at least 5 lor...

the end-products looked something like this...sis made me take tis pic...the brolly and guitars r missing tho...

yesterday went to watch president's star charity live at mediacorp.....cos 2 families were there...so better to haf some teachers there...so i went....both my ex students....B couldnt sit long enuff to watch the show so mum drove him back.....K was gd...we even went for the reception to see the celebs....tay peng hui is charming man...hady is cute....but the cutest guy was the guest relations officer who looks so familiar...mabbe frm arts.....johnny...hmm....the funniest part was the writings by his excellency was actualli pre-recorded....so he just stood at the ending pose holding his writings at the camera....haa....but it realli was gd effort put in!

despite being tired, i'm so excited to see B back in sch aft so mani mths....miss him lots! hope his mum is alrite now....he passed me my belated teacher's day present....*touched* my best present this yr....so swit....he's such a joy to have in the class....n he again grew taller!

whoops....supposed to do my lesson n outing plans n i did none......=X

2008-09-05T09:29:00.001-07:00

have been catching this drama ever since my mc days.....so sweet n cute....love the ending song...

2008-09-05T08:40:00.000-07:00

todae marks the 3rd year of my werking life...my 3 yrs of youth at st andrew's....din realise until 6+ when we ended our whole dae meeting....n my new unofficial 'prog coordinator' colleague melvin was like trying to track back how st. andrew's started since 2005...well, i m definitely the person who can feed him wif most of the details....haa....apart frm my previous prog coordinator who was there at the meeting too....kinda wraps up nicely n made me went thru all the times since we ferst started.....

the road ahead seems interesting yet unknown.....we r trodding on our heels trying hard not to step on land mines, at the same time firefight wadeva fires we see, or sometimes covering pitholes so dat we wun fall....but we are cutting our wae thru the thick forest hoping to see the fantasy land....light penetrates thru here n there....so dat the whole environment was slightly clearer yet fuzzy....team mates come and go....but no matter who it was, dey all definitely left a mark.....it's been an exciting journey, and a more stimulating one to come...i hope our team is stronger now....wif high immunities....so dat we can last till the very end.....let us continue in the same faith and werk tog....it's realli an exhilarating project at st. andrew's....i cant wait to see the fruit of our labour....hmm....

2008-09-02T00:08:00.000-07:00

it's the 4th day after my surgery....my chin area is still numb....it's wierd when i touch my chin n it just feels like sth spongy that din belong to my face....i cant feel yoghurt streaking down my lips....my jaw cant really open wide but at least i could open more as compared to the first day....guess they really pryed open my mouth cos the left side of my mouth is bruised....swelling has gone down a little...but still can tell it's slightly swollen on the left side....occasionally i can still taste the metallic aftertaste of blood....my lips were more chapped than usual....despite me drinking lots of water....the sight of white gluey stuff dat i eat everyday just irks me....the thot of eating the antibioitics just make me want to puke....well, i wasnt eating much different from the baby in my house....haa....just dat his is warm n mine are all cold.....even when i wan to luff when watching tv, i had to control myself....luffing aint dat ez afterall.....wanted to visit the clinic todae but felt a little giddy at noon time....so aborted the idea....tmr she wun be in....dat leaves thurs...which is my appt day.....well.....hopefully by den, i'll be able to feel my chin again.....*shrug* well perhaps like wad zm said...."at least you can still feel numbness....so not so bad...." oh well......

~sMiLeS~

2008-09-01T00:20:00.000-07:00

the only thing tat makes me happier this Teachers' Day is when i received my payslip tog wif a letter....

i've got an increment!! yippee!!! despite dat we r running on deficits....haa....according to the finance n admin pple, not everyone gets it....heh....n i'm soooo glad it's an ANNUAL increment n not just a bonus....so it will credited every mth n not just tis mth!! yeah!!! at least the increment is more than the first yr's meagre 100 bucks.....

HAPPY Happy Teachers' Day!!

2008-08-30T03:53:00.000-07:00

last nite my gums started bleeding again....the pain gave me a throbbing headache on the left side...i asked my parents to check my temp cos i felt hot on the head...mum touched my forehead n said it was cold....then dad put his hand on my left throat area to feel my temp...as he alwiz did....ouch! i stopped him rite awae....n he kena screamed at by mum...haa.....so farnie....he alwis so blur blur....last time when i was young n we will be sparring awae....when i screamed in pain, he tot i was acting....untill he twisted my finger or wad den he stopped....haa....

couldnt realli sleep...still choking on my phlegm...n blood....woke up after a few hrs of sleep.....n at 2+am, i finally slept thru all the wae to 10am....

face was a little more swollen....realli deformed...haa.....my bro asked me if i stuffed gauze..nah...it was due to the swelling...haa....my lips could open a little wider...to talk...but cannot luff out loud....lower jaw still very numb....when i touched my jaw, it was like sth spongy that din belong to my face....i hate dat sensation....but my throat was more painful todae too.....had difficulty swallowing and drinking milk, green bean soup, porridge...my stomach was painful too....i guess becos of the coughing throughout the nite.....my lips were super dry....hardened....i guess they pry open my mouth quite a bit cos my left side was bleeding....even when i sneeze there's blood...i hate blood!

getting worried that i may get permanent damage on my nerve....that will mean my jaw may be numb forever....my left wisdom tooth was resting on my nerve....so the orthodontist did mention to me that i have a higher risk than others to suffer from permanent damage....haiz.....hope the numbness will go by tmr...else, dat will spell bad....will be removing my stitches on thurs....n my mc is till thurs....

at home, i've realli become a princess...heh.....everyting my bro has to serve me...cos my mum instructed him to....heh....getting all the attention like i'm a little kid.....i din wan to worry my family...i am ok....except fer the numbness....grandma came down to visit me despite her aching body....touched...she bot me cold soy bean milk....she was glad to see that my swelling wasnt realli so bad....she told me when she extracted her teeth the other time, her whole head was swelling......i hope i wun....but i'll onli noe till tmr....everydae drink, watch tv and sleep....good life...but it's onli dae 2 i'm starting to feel bored....but dat means i can blog more...heh....

2008-08-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

half an hr more to my surgery....on the bus wif mum....i'm still calm and all...din want my mum to get more worried than she oreadi is....shall not tink about the fact that a quarter of my teeth will be lost but more afraid of the GA and how much pain it'll be after the op...many shrieked at the idea of my op and many showed that they cared...so touched....i'll be fine cos of all the blessings...the onli ting i can look forward to now will be to drink a cup of warm soy bean milk after the op...my immediate reward.....

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i reported at the counter...was on the dot....9.30am.....mum had to wait outside....told her to go shopping....changed into the kimono....n waited with another guy who is gg in before me....both of us gg thru anaesthesia...so nid to prick a needle on our left hand....waited n waited (with the needle) fer more than an hour before i was called to the surgery....by then i was alreadi feeling very cold....then the nurse told me it's gg to be colder inside....they took off the robe and i was left wif the kimono...*brr...* the lights were very strong and i see around 4-5 pple around me....the anaesthetist intro himself...an indian whom i can reali catch wad he is saying...he seems to be under coaching of another old man....who seems quite grumpy....they told me to take deep breaths....i did.....7-8 breaths n i'm still awake....n finally when i smelt a different smell, i fell into deep sound sleep.....never so sound before....i haf alwiz been dreaming about werk....but not this time round.....

"open your eyes! open your eyes!" i heard the old man calling me...i tried..but my eye lids were heavy....blurred vision....cant seem to see clearly....could feel my left cheek totally swell up...so much so that my left eye couldnt open completely....left jaw was painful....right jaw not so much...kept hearing beeping of my heart beat from the maching...and frequent squeezing of my left arm cos taking my blood pressure.....most painful of all were my legs.....tried hard not to shiver....but i just kept shaking uncontrollably on the bed....soon, they brought a warmer to stop my shivering....wow...dat realli helped....i rested fer a while before the surgeon dr woo loo cheng came to my bed...."u ok? let me see if the bleeding has stopped....just now there was a lot of bleeding so i onli took out you 4 wisdom teeth....if it's better later, we'll continue again...." i was like huh??!! u mean i haf to go thru all dat again??!! gosh....nearly cried n wanted to abandon the idea of putting on braces since the other 4 premolars were for the braces.....gosh....they called mum to ask her to come back 2-3 hrs later....soon, the surgeon came again to check and bleeding was much better...but i was still bleeding la.....so she asked if we could continue....aiya...might as well one shot lar....okie lo...so in i went again...i must admit i'm realli strong....haa...my co teacher reminded me that yest too...

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round two....the lights were realli glaring...had to close my eyes...the indian anaesthetist was shivering himself....he kept hugging himself....imagine me on the cold surgery bed....alone wif all these pple whom i'm seeing for the ferst time....brr....but tis time round they put the warmer at my feet...so not so bad...

when i woke up once again....i was so glad i'm still alive....haa.....could feel my left cheek not as swollen....but it was painful still....so much wanted to cry....close my eyes n wanted to rest oso cannot rest peacefully....had difficulty breathing....the tube they inserted into my throat gave me such a hard time swallowing my saliva and blood....n worse was since this morning i had phlegm....kept choking on it....n it was realli difficult to spit it out....my lower jaw was totally numb....cannot feel it at all....the nurse fed me some water n i cannot even feel if my lips were closed.....kept spatting blood out....suddenly i felt a stinging pain on my left jaw....excruciating pain....had to call the nurse....they kept changing the gauze fer me but it onli helped a bit...so she gave me a pain reliever....that made it much better....poof.....the bag of teeth were right in front of me....dare not even look at them....gross....i used my tongue to check if all 4 premolars were out...in case they tell me i haf to go in again! haa.....okie...rite...4 holes....finally at 4+pm near to 5pm i was discharged....couldnt drink the apple juice the nurse gave me....the pharmacist came to explain to me all the drugs i had to take....then the nurse came to explain how to take care of my teeth for tis period....everyting i eat had to be cold...i can eat ice cream, yoghurt, milk, iced water....cool~! ferst time i'm advised to eat cold tings when i'm unwell....i shld take nothing hot or even warm....so there goes my 'reward' of drinking warm soy bean.....haiz...but nvm....i hadnt eaten anithing the whole dae since last nite...was a little hungry....but the pain just puts me off....plus drinking of my blood realli disgusts me alot....

when i changed and came out, mum was sitting there....feeling a little groggy....and weak since i haven eaten for the whole dae....but generally ok lar...took a cab home....couldnt open my mouth....ouch.....

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2008-08-28T04:10:00.000-07:00

tis yr i will haf to miss teachers' day celebration wif my kids....cos fri i'm gg fer surgery....starting to feel the tense....n becos i couldnt make it on fri, my colleagues changed the teachers' dnr to thurs....so die die oso haf to change my piano lesson....we went to siglap area to a restaurant named Oliv....good food...reasonable price....boss came so late we were all so hungry....we made so much noise in the small restaurant that everyone else in there could hear us n luff wif us....haa...it's been a nice gathering....rarely see so mani of my colleagues together n luffing awae....n of cos i added to the atm lar....the rule was no discussion of werk....haa...i spoilt market again...took out the claims which i hadnt signed....then when my colleague asked me when she can take her in lieu, i took out my draft n checked again...n when boss saw that, he said "who made serene work so hard ar??" then there was silence...haa...so paiseh....we luffed so much, enjoyed the good food, tok so much...boss was realli an extraordinary one....he went round to serve pple drinks....which boss will ever do dat? n he said whoever guessed the bill correctly will get a free lunch from him....i guessed 300....but it amounted to 299.95....haa....

tis week has been so long....bz preparing the stuff my kids will do for the teachers...in the end i came up wif the idea of the notepad.....was a gd idea but probably need more time to make it better....nid to perform somemore....we decided on a song which they liked best...accidentally in love from shrek....n they will dance n play instruments....couldnt tink of aniting else more appropriate......i was bz the nite before making apple coasters fer all my colleagues....haf been sleeping a 2+am these few dayes...but nvm...cos on fri, i'll get a good slp.....n then i realised i haf short of one....so i decided not to give the irritating colleague....heh....i intended to give her too lar...but too bad....not enuff so sacrifice her...haa....

2008-08-27T08:41:00.001-07:00

2008-08-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

at Hort Park...lovely flowers....

at Alexandra Arch

so steep~!!! luckily we all arent afriad of heights...

nice breeze n scenery~

jh n sc

yest was such an outdoorsy day wif wach mach wach gang....walked from hort park all the wae to vivocity...poof.....under the hot noon sun~!!! we were all so tan after dat....will put up more pics when jh sends to us...or refer to our official website...heh....it was realli a nice long walk....the scenery at henderson waves was good n cooling....n the design was v artistic despite dat it din had much functional use.....like shelter, or seats....

had dimsum lunch at bosses @ vivo....which was good....yummy...shall bring my family there next time...

n den most of them had to leave....leaving mi n cong n jh....so we decided to go sentosa to cycle....actualli the guys suggested dat...so dat dey could look at babes...esp so when jy had to go watch firewerks wif her frens....so jh the ltk wang spirit came out....woo~ super damn crowded....needs so much skills to cycle on the cycling track lor....cos packed wif pple....n noeing my controlling skills, i basically kept turning to the side if people....haha....all the ah nehs scared of me man....saw peipei there....who onli recognised me n not jh her class monitor of two yrs! haa....*gloating*.....mi cao cao oso same class wif her from p1 to p4 lor.....=P jh heartbroken...while cycling 1/2 wae, i told the 2 guys it was gg to rain soon....n true enuff it did! not i suay zui like wad dey kept insisting...i knew how to tell weather lor~ dun pray pray hor! the drizzle din stop us from sitting on the rocks of the island n chatting awae....haa....htht.....

den went tiong bahru market to eat....where we went fer dnr exactly a yr ago b4 we drove to see firewerks....the ah balling uncle again gave me discount as per last yr....haa...i dunno him k....rem last yr he gave me discount of 50 cents thinking dat it was the last bowl....den tis year...he charged me 1.50 per bowl when the board saes 2 bucks....heh....must b uncle see me pretty gimme discount....heh....so full i guess i replenished all the energy i used up fer the dae....

v long never haf a whole dae free like dat liao...n can do all the outdoor activities wif frens....heh....=]

2008-08-10T09:32:00.001-07:00

National Day celebration can be described as one word = Messy....
all thanks to the bad start by my co-teacher(who else?) haiz....supposed to reach at 8.30am with all the cakes and ingredients for decorating...but 8.30am and he was just about to go collect the cake wif another colleague.....see? that's wad i meant when he has no sense of urgency and priority....the sky is gonna fall over and he is still day-dreaming....everytime meeting i haf to provide him a pen n paper to write tings down....haiz.....puke blood everydae....now the events committee has gotten a taste of him liao....haiz....at least someone in the same boat as me...just dat i'll face it everydae~!!! argh!! but nvm....fer 2 weeks he's posted to DAC....so i wun get to see him....we nid a cool off period....btw, it wasnt a wae of getting back or pushing him arnd....but dat he's the best person to be there....can slack mah....=P (i promised not to speak ill of him liao....to my other colleagues....but will still blog here....nid somewhere to vent out the anger...)

i was like all over the place....being the judge for the cake decorating competition, the person to read the national day message, assisting coordinator, toking to parents, stalked by students....phew.....

aniwae, it ended with zero tantrums and meltdowns....which was a feat~!!! arnd 40 students plus some parents/caregivers....with all the last min plannings we alwiz have, our students are all so well-trained to changes liao....no prob! heh....realli appreciate them fer dat....

den we went fer lunch after a 1.5 hr meeting....had mediteranean food at arab st....nice food....n v reasonable prices....we chatted quite alot....since we dun get to meet up colleagues from DAC often...realised the new colleague quite farnie....haa...seems like he is enjoying himself except that he complained about the tiredness onli after 2 weeks....aiyo....must hang on lar....

went shopping wif sis but din manage to buy aniting again!!! argh~!!! irritating.....

2008-08-10T09:19:00.000-07:00

Jokes from the students never failed to make our dae n kip us alive...

18-yr-old J was at the supermarket with the class. So after getting what they needed, they went to queue up. J is quite a high-functioning guy.

Cashier scanned all the goods and "ka-ching" the drawer popped out.
J (index n middle finger pointing out wif thumb sticking up and placed it at the cashier's head): Gimme all your money now...

Teacher B (stunnde fer a moment and trying to control her luffter): J, for goodness sake, please put ur hand down! you cld be sued by the police~!

He is one guy who is quite mischievious too....alwiz take my pink pouch n put arnd his waist...haa...den purposely bump my backside...purposely mop my feet....bleah....=P
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During national day celebration, we had a photo montage. 7-yr-old J was happily pointing out who the person in the picture was....he knew most of the names of all the students...even those in AM classes....best....

7-yr-old J: Ms Serene~! ES~! D~! CS~! (n the list goes on....)

n when it came to the adult students whom he has never seen before....

J: Painting~! Sewing~! Swimming~!

haa....cute to bits....

2008-08-02T02:27:00.001-07:00

2008-08-01T09:58:00.000-07:00

sequel to the email war...

indeed the following lengthy email came back with a paragraph of bold prints....haa...not caps tho....demanding dat i apologise fer accusing her....lest she take legal action....wad crap....i wasnt afraid of dat part cos in this whole issue, i was not in ani wrong....except dat i probably got the place wrong...n dat was wad the apology was meant for....crazy....initially i was tinking apologising fer dat is no big deal....cos even when i block someone's wae i oso sae sorrie...but i'll stand by the fact dat i'm NOT to be blamed wif this whole issue....i was just doing wad i had to do.....

boss spoke to me yest aft her last email n ask how m i gg to reply to it....he said to show him ferst if i were to reply via email....so at least he can help me look thru n there will be no loopholes fer her to catch me wif....or tok to her orally, he said....verbally u meant....haa....or tok to her in the presence of him.....i thot thru long n hard last nite....

todae i approached her to meet up in a separate rm....amazingly, all was calm n peaceful n ended on an awkwardly tranquil mood....hmm....scheming...dunno wad's up next....she brot up all her medical history, her dotter's medical history, her family problems, etc.....trying to buy my sympathy eh? well, her story will not stay in my head fer long....cos all these are just excuses which she has been using over n over again....poor health then still create so much trouble such dat everyone arnd her has ill health....duhz....i expected her shouting n railing at me in front of others...dat's y i chose to meet her in an empty room....none of dat took place....guess boss n my ex supervisor were both surprised at her attitude towards the meeting.....cos frm the email, her tonality was poles apart! realli suspect she has bipolar mood disorder....or split personality.....but i tink boss was more at ease lar....at least no existing wars b4 he leaves for 3 weeks overseas....haiz.....n seems like no follow-up will be done...."will issue warning letter...but stuck at HR....if there's a 2nd time, then she's gone".....kauz....how mani 2nd chances will she get.....how long more do all of us haf to tolerate her....haiz.....

till then....

but well, at least i survived todae....poof....

2008-07-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

just watched dark knight wif buddy...once again, i din fall aslp....heh...disappointed eh? well, considering it was after werk, and dat todae i went on outing, and dat the show was 2.5 hrs, and that i travelled 1.5 hrs to reach JP....it is a feat k.....

it was onli the last few minutes dat i understood y batman was the dark knight....was wondering fer the ferst 2.45 hrs y it was called dark knight....thot there was another evil batman arnd....nah....i'm more imaginative than christopher nolan eh? super action packed towards the end dat some tiny parts of it i was a lil lost....but alrite lar....the joker sure looks scarie....n his jokes....lame....

2008-07-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

signs when you know someone is furious at your email:

1. sent 2 emails entirely typed in CAPITAL LETTERS
2. sent 2 consecutive emails directing at 2 issues to your single email
3. did not cc boss the first two mails
4. sent a 3rd lengthy email 12 hrs later in the midnight, this time cc to boss and in small caps
5. highlights key words in dark pink

i just find it farnie....dun tell me u accidentally press caps lock while typing the ferst 2 emails without realising....so wad's next? more emails in BOLD AND CAPS? haa.....shall plan to reply your emailS tmr....tho boss intercepted n said you could tok to him if you r agrieved....

i was prepared for all dat...i was prepared for war the whole week....i was prepared to get blasted by her personally....she actualli managed to confine her anger to just emails...till now....wae to go~! haven gotten to 'speak' to me personally yet....still, there's tmr....n the day aft....n every other dae....so i nid to be prepared....*fingers crossed*

wish me luck....

2008-07-26T23:13:00.001-07:00

26th July 2008....jiajun n johnny's big day.....attended their ROM ceremony at amara hotel.....nice weather, nice food, nice get-together....pretty bride, suave bridegroom, romantic flowers.....will upload the pics when some kind soul send them to me....haa....n surprisingly, jj's mum still rem me after sooooo long....hmm.....but obviously i rem her mum, dad, n bro's face lar....

envious...

it was a simple n perfect ceremony....simply perfect...

~* Congratulations to mr n mrs loh!! *~

2008-07-26T22:43:00.000-07:00

call me drama queen of simei.....acted in 2 dramas on the same dae last wed...

scene 1:
YM was trying to dash across the bend wif high traffic....tried to stop him...he cried, shouted, pushed, struggled, hit.....tore his pants accidentally in the midst of it....we took 45 minutes to walk a 100m straight pavement...(-.-)"' he insisted on dashing across as much as i persisted that he follow me....

scene 2:
when we reach the supermarket, all was almost calm...then the 2nd male lead WP screamed n
made a lot of noise when we were paying up...he wanted to take the receipt which i din allow fer fear that it will become a newly-developed routine...it seemed like ages that we struggled there...tho it was only 1/2 hr...the whole supermarket n all those outside the supermarket were looking at us....from the top view, you can see concentric circles surrounding both of us....he blocked the escalator and no one cld pass...tho some pple still manage to squeeze thru....i had no more energy to struggle wif him tho he was skinny...cos most of my energy used up wif YM liao...he's such a stout n strong boy....in the end, 2 ladies came to help...they practically carried him up the escalator...by then, security was behind us....

it realli tested my patience that day....but i was angriest wif my co-teacher....while i was cot in scene 1, he was taking photos of WP's bad behavior...n letting go of TR's hand...where he nearly walked onto the road....i had to scream from 80m away to ask him to put away his phone n that TR was gg onto the road....passerbys at the bus stop approached me if i needed help....so paiseh...

then at supermarket, he still had time to buy his canned soup for himself....n while paying up, he lost W who had gone up the escalator....i'm stuck wif WP...how am i gg to get W? had to run to the escalator in the end and gestured for W to take the down-riding escalator....luckily he understood me n i nid not shout ani further to attract more attention.....one lady came up to gave words of encouragement saying that we are doing well oreadi...n told us to take care....

in the end, i let all of us cool down n calm down at the entrance of eastpoint...called yh n asked for reinforcement....avel, my previous co teacher, came...more manageable but still had some problems getting YM to cross the road....

dear george, wif 4 students we oreadi cannot handle, wad more 6? he said he was really tired...i refused to give any comments...standing there taking of only 1 out of 3 students at a time makes u tired? cldnt stand toking to him animore that dae....just told him we will debrief on another dae....i had to cool down....

tok to him on fri...hence late fer my psych frens' gathering....all thanks to him smoking downstairs fer 45 min...too much! so i told him off....n made him stay back wif me till 7.30pm....where everyone had gone home....more convenient to tok then too....still had to take into consideration his ego.....haiz....he understood some of the points that i brot up....but more imptly, i hope the situation will be improved....chose a fri so that he can tink bout it over weekend...n oso i dun haf to see him fer the next 2 daes so that the awkwardness can die down a little....

i actualli did do reflection on my part.....was i being to hard on him? was i being too demanding? was i being too perfectionist? was i trying too hard to change behaviors of the students? haiz....mabbe i shld tone down my domineering role in the class....

he used to call me "my princess"....haa...now probably "my witch".......=P

2008-07-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

chuyun is flying off on 8th aug....haiz....everyone is realli getting out of spore....sooner or later, not mani frens will be left....everyone brot their other halfs.....haa...but well, i was all used to it lar....who else can still be single at age 25 except me? meimei din bring her sk....cos she said she thot of me mah...if sk were here then i'll be alone....haa...thanks fer the thot man....it was a nice gathering tho it was probably the 2nd time we are all meeting tog wif their husbands n bfs...all very chatty....heh....but unfortunately, we forgot to take any photos!!! n we said we wanted to post the photo on all our blogs!! haiz...have to wait for 2 yrs later.....=(

2008-07-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

oh yesh....fergot to mention since sat i've got a little fan....J is so excited to see me...kept waving and saying 'hi ms serene!' all thru the bus journey from sch to ndp preview....den wanted to hug me....haa..todae best...wanted to kiss me....okie...dun be mistaken...he is a 7-yr-old....so damn cute lar~ how to reject his affection....but being a professional, i haf to stop him frm doing dat....not appropriate....hmm....

2008-07-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

went to watch the NDP preview todae.....so exciting....ferst time i'm watching it as a teacher....tog wif students....we gathered everyone at sch....quite a number of parents and family turned up....n our usher, the ns guy....so gd-looking! tall dark handsome....haa.....too bad he is too young....tho probably arnd 20? shuai lor.....haiz....wasted....i went to receive him at the lobby...he intro himself then ask if i noe who JA is....erm...of cos...he is my boss....haa....okie....mabbe gd looks dun come wif too much brains...=P

it was pouring at simei.....n we were to set off to esplanade....gosh....ask him if rain how he sae no news from the other side...still sunny.....aiyo...den no backup plans meh...ok...he cute so forgiven...haa....but true enuff when we reached there it wasnt raining tho not exactly sunny.....

quite enjoyed the performance....nice view and we had quite gd seats....the black knights were great! amazing...the ferst few performances by the wakeboarders, sailors was a fresh idea....makes me wanna go try wakeboarding again.....then nathan hartono sang 'where i belong'....cool....alwiz see him on newspapers etc...nv realli heard his voice b4....well...it was soothing.....add him to my other shuai ge idols list....haa....

the theme song by hady mirza and joi chua was nice too....with nat ho as one of the male lead...woohoo~

but unfortunately it started pouring in the midst of it....nice experience tho...cos nv have i wore poncho during ndp! firewerks was ok despite the rain...took as mani photos i cld wif my small memory space....

the parachuters....

the march past

when the national anthem was sung...our flag flying high....

the black (not dark) knights!

tis was real cool....crystal ball with human inside...the props were done nicely~

mi, yh n sheila in red ponchos....

tis was how heavy the rain was...

2 of the best pics i took of the firewerks using my hp....gd eh~!

after we reached back at sch, siti, yh n i went supper at simpang bedok....prata, satay, chicken wings, milo dino....den realised no mrt to go home...so waited for my parents fer 1+hr at tanah merah bus stop since they were at airport receiving someone....gosh...the whole street onli got cars n nobody...n so cold there....brrrr.....waited till 1.30am....best...reached home at 2+am....-.-"' the conversation i had wif my colleagues just now made me all awake....haaiz.....

2008-07-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

met up with my jc frens and maths teacher....but he no longer wif aj le....it's nice to c everyone enter the werkforce and all carving out niches in different areas....some in auditing...some teaching....architect....journalist...engineer....entrepreneur....investments...haa...all sorts....cos my class is 1/2 sci 1/2 arts class....

it was a special gathering....after dnr at secret recipe at marina sq....we headed to Axis at oriental hotel for a drink....haa....imagine we haf reached that age! now we can drink with our teacher! haa....btw, my teacher is married but he is quite young lar...in his 30s....but it was a nice cosy place with great scenery to chill out at....

the onli regret of the nite....no photos taken....zero!

2008-07-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

Found the poem we were made to recite in j2....

Translation:

The endless river eastward flows;

With its huge waves are gone all those

Gallant heroes of bygone years.

West of the ancient fortress years

Red Cliff where General Zhou Yu won his early fame

When the Three Kingdoms were in flame.

Jugged rocks tower in the air

And swashing waves beat on the air

Rolling up a thousand heaps of snow.

To match the hills and the river so fair,

How many heroes brave of yore

Made a great show!

2008-07-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

mr t came over to visit us after almost a yr?? haa...cos he was attending a 2-day course at cgh....brot some goodies from mongolia fer us...heh...haven tried tho....=P had a short chat aft so long...miss the days when we were werking tog in the same klass....

tues whole day meeting...fri whole day meeting....'my princess' co-teacher nearly fainted when i told him i wun b in klass fer 2 days tis week....he's only 3 weeks old to the klass? heh....like wad he said "everyday meetmeetmeetmeetmeet..." haa....so fast complain liao...oreadi warn u b4 we start sch din i??

fri was so eventful man...had to host a visit fer the fei yue pple, then mr t came over wif his supervisor...then attended the parent support group at nite....pengz.....the parents all so supportive of the new sch....all wanted to raise funds, donate etc...W parents so thotful to bring some durian pisang fer all....so swit....they all gd frens liao....n boss had to tell everyone i found he lost boy dat dae during his presentation...so paiseh....really hoped parents can see how hard we werk.....

had a stay-home weekend....sat just watched tv...since we just subscribed to cable....then sang karoke wif my family....i haven used it b4....

just watched chi bi wif ct at je....interesting...despite it is a war movie which i'm usu not interested in....but the actors r realli good....easy to understand plot....at least it is not too cheena that i cannot understand....kinda fergot the story tho my chinese a teacher did tell us b4....we even had to memorise the poem....cannot even rem it now...haa....no wonder she hates me....=P makes me reflect on the strategies to take at werk....fer everyone to unite n werk together.....it realli nid strategising....despite that our resources may be limited....my ex-supervisor who came down on fri said we shld do sth to bond everyone....actualli i feel...it is there...just dat we nid to ignite it....

2008-07-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

nothing as dramatic as friday has happened to me before....

4th July 2008 (Friday)
5.30pm
i received yen's call that she will be late for our ladies nite out...cos one student from dac is lost...n i thot he was from the afternoon session....untill my admin reminded me he is from morning session and was dismissed from school at 1pm!! he had just started taking his own transport home for less than a month....yen was training him to take bus on his own....from dac he shld take bus 2 directly to home....but he was missing for almost 4 hours already! so i started panicking and called siti if they needed help...

6.00pm
din want to alert my staff as they were all going for courses from 7-9pm...but before i could realise it, the admin has alerted all of them...so all of us were discussing where to split up to look for him....places where he went for outing, chinatown, ps, paya lebar, changi airport, tampines mall...places near his hse at lavendar...so aljunied, geylang, serangoon....n with only 15 of us....who many places can we split to?? n each place is so big!

6.15pm
ferst piece of good news...yen managed to call him via his hp...n as drama as it can be, he only managed to say he is in serangoon before the line was cut off....goodness gracious me....but at least dat narrows down our search places in the hope that he was accurate in saying he was at serangoon....still, serangoon is huge!! boss suggested broadcasting it on 933 since we are adopted by them....but the dad refused....dad has made a police report....

6.20pm
4 of my staff went by angela's car to serangoon and mi, yh and clara ran all the way to changi hospital to take cab....we literally ran like mad women...haa....n when we hopped on, we had no idea which part of serangoon to go...so uncle suggested just drop off at the 2nd hand goods bazaar opp sim lim...."dun go into the small streets ar....v dangerous...got perverts".....yar.....poof...browsed through the bazaar....lots of men...old men, bangla....felt out of place...flashbacked those drama scenes where the actress/actor will look all around dat street to look for a missing someone...n i felt like i was the actress....looking out for a 22-yr-old guy in white t-shirt....gosh....it reali isnt making tings easier...

7.00pm
we had walked to little india....combed all the streets, passed by the strong scented shops, n so mani indians there....searched at mustafa too...haven been there ever since when i was v young...n after dat imh visit i haf phobia of meeting dat guy there man....now no choice haf to go in....heck....no news....phone was unusally quiet...before dat we were calling each other to update our whereabouts....hmm..dinner time...mabbe we should look out for eateries or fast food restaurants....cos he'll probably be hungry liao....

7.30pm
combed farrer park nel stn....no RW in sight....haiz....we r getting disheartened liao....cos so dark liao....n he has been lost for 6+ hours....called siti to ask wad's the plan now...there was a comm breakdown where most staff is gg down chinatown....onli 3 of us at farrer park....so i told siti...just give instructions...u'll be the main contact person...it's too confusing taking instructions from everyone....so the plan was....we'll split up n cover every nel station from little india to hougang....since we have combed little india and farrer park, the next one was boon keng...so we headed there...

7.45pm
we were hungry n clara kept complaining that she needs to eat else she'll faint...haiz...com'on lar...who's not hungry n tired?? but the longer time we take, the longer time he'll be lost and the lesser chance we'll have of finding him! we looked arnd the stretch of shops near the station...it was getting real dark.....the possiblity of finding him is very slim now....unless he runs into big troubles so much so dat pple report it to police.....his hp cld haf been snatched away....or if he ends up in geylang red light district, dunno wad will happen.....

i decided to go look under the blocks of flats in case he is resting at the void decks or basketball courts....i walked one big round alone.....i guess i walked the perimeter of boon keng....stretching to bendemeer n towner man....blister....yh called me to ask where i was....must admit i quite daring leh....i dun even noe boon keng well n i'm walking alone on the streets....so she said meet them at nel station....ok lor...made my wae there....poof...damn tired liao....

8.30pm
"hey siti, we've covered boon keng as well oreadi...where else?" n we were discussing where to go, wad to do next....according to the plan, we were to abort the search if it reaches 9pm....cos we cant search forever....it was realli like hai2 di3 lao1 zhen1....plus he probably is not going to be stationary....he'll probably be walking around....even if we haf walked around the estate, it doesnt mean dat he will not be there.....poof....

8.45pm
just as we were in despair, n i was still on the phone wif siti, suddenly i was shocked n stumped by words....all i could do was just point excitedly at the escalator going down to the station....n it was only after a few sec that i screamed out his name, "RW!!!" my 2 colleagues turned round n we quickly surrounded him screaming in joy!!! n over at the other side of the phone, siti, sheila n all were screaming too!!!! i looked at him n was nearly in tears....he was stunned...probably who's this lady? cos i've only met him once at dac...so did yh...he probably only noes clara...."are you lost, RW?" "LOST!" he said in a loud booming voice.....i quickly called boss n tell him we've found him....he was driving around chinatown to look for him too....unexpected huh...boss leh....i noe my boss is a kind soul la...haa...the other staff cannot believe it..haa...

8.50pm
quickly brot him to kfc to have dnr.....poor ting....drank up his water....n had nth except his haversack n ez link card....phone no batt....was perspiring all over....he was shivering as he ate....fer a moment he stared at me....it was intense eye contact that i din noe wad it meant....he probably wasnt able to express his feelings.....he can answer one word answers, but definitely unable to approach pple fer help...after a while, siti's group reached, followed by john, followed by the dad n uncles, then angela's group.....we were all so excited n it reali was like the amazing race....n my team reached ferst....haa....it really felt good yet incredible!! even till now, i'm finding it super unbelievable.....never man....the chance is slimmer than winning the 1 million toto or big sweep man....it was realli the right place at the right time wif the right eye.....must admit i reali haf sharp eyes....haa.....

dad kept thanking all of us....i guess he was scared stiff man....even i who aint even his direct teacher felt the shudders....how can he not?? dad was surprised dat i onli saw RW once too...haa....cos he said like never see us before....heh.....

boss declared all those who participated in the race gets an extra day for annual leave! yippee!! plus $150 bucks fer dnr cos all of us haven eaten....

realli touched to see that team spirit actualli exists here....15 teachers and therapists, 1 boss, 1 dad, 2 uncles all looking fer tis one boy....singapore aint small when it comes to looking fer a person! n dat my staff actualli sacrificed their time to look for him....(mabbe cos dey dun wan to go fer the course too lar..haa...) okie...shall not doubt their sincerity....heh....we r all passionate n concerned about our students...dat's one ting fer sure.....

i'm still bubbling wif excitement till tis very minute i'm typing tis....it's realli a lifetime experience not mani will get....n i reali treasure it....=]

so all of us went to clarke quay fer dnr at 10am....n spent 300+ for dnr man...gosh...wae exceeded the 150 bucks...haa...obviously....then some of us went over to amara hotel for the ladies nite...heh...but we had a man wif us lar...heh...mr kelvin....he driver leh....wah...the club there was fer salsa dance one....so out of place....so mani pple spinning around in the room...make me giddy.....we did our own style of dance...haa....the rest all so pro...but heck lar....siti even went in her phua chu kang-saac t-shirt...haa...best....drink was free....entrance was just a dollar...haa....reached home at 2.30pm man....dead beat....

it was realli a fruitful dae even tho class has horrible todae in sch....poof....but nth can steal the limelight of me finding RW....it was reali like a dream.....shared the story wif my family n i tink mum was a little in tears too...cos it reminded her of losing me when i was young at the big bookshop....haa....i was a typical kid lor....RW's not.....

2008-06-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

ever wondered the song dat jacky wu alwiz sings as the dolphin voice (hai tun yin)? well...here's the original version....amazing....

2008-06-29T00:45:00.000-07:00

aft a long nite of thinking, i decided to tok to boss about it on fri when all the rest were off werk...but it just wasnt a gd timing,...the morning was spent being interrogated by the officials...n we took hits here n there...totally bashed out....they had no tact man....gosh....director somemore....thank god my ex-supervisor was back to help us out.....some management issues which is reali beyond us...beyond boss even....n at the end of the dae, we received an email from my colleague to go to tis radio website....there was a report written about us...in a funny n negative manner....boss read it b4 he left...so it reali wasnt a gd dae to tok....oh well...*shurg* was toking to my sis about it over the weekend n was glad i din bother him wif such a trivial matter....he had other bigger problems to fret about....as fer me, i felt better over the weekend...n shall treat these as precious experience....i guess tis is not the time to make tings worse.....

n thank you dear frens fer checking out my blog....i'm fine...dun worrie....just like to grumble...dat's all...heh....i ferget easily....=)

2008-06-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

i realli dun mean it...

i'm just not cut out for it rite from the start n i knew it.
i'm not a gd decision-maker.
i'm not firm enough.
i'm shldnt haf tried being one.
i'm responsible for these undisciplined staff.

i'm not out to make you the devil oic.
neither m i crafting my image as the angel.
i'm trying. believe me.
but some part of me just tells me that it is beyond my personality to do so.
probably the boss made the wrong choice and got the wrong person on the bus.

i noe wad's wrong.
i wan to remediate it.
but pple haf stereotyped me.
it's not ez to haf a breakthrough.
n now i noe wad my uncle meant when he did my fortune-telling for the year.
i haf my plans.
but they are alwiz faced with the same problem.
n onli i noe wad the problem is. n where it lies.
sadly, the problem lies in me.

perhaps i shld just revert back to where i started.
probably then everyone will be happier.
n they will be able to move on.
i'm the limiting factor here.

it's been a long tedious 9 mths.
extreme stress n fatigue.
not to mention the emotion roller-coaster.

shld i tok to boss about it?
shld i continue to kip it to myself?
shld i hang on and werk my wae thru?
or shld i just avoid tis issue and not tink about it?

the cold hard truth just hurts.

2008-06-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

went fer a 2-day leadership course....so enlightening...made us all slow down frm the bz life n discover more about ourselves....did personality tests...discussed about all the difficult pple we haf to deal wif....learn how to breathe....learnt how to be an effective leader....reminded me so much of the social psych daes....the most difficult part lies in the application....

interesting to find out dat siti is an amiable, while yh is a driver n me an analyst...n dat we can all werk within our strengths n weaknesses to run the centre....i knew all along dat i'm an analyst...cld tell yh is a driver...a clear driver tho she still dun see herself as one....n siti...hmm...amiable...probably....

aft the ferst dae course, i was quite demoralised....okie...mabbe not demoralised...but felt i just wasnt gd enuff to be a leader....almost wanted to tell boss i wan to drop out...n step down....actualli all along lar....but tinking back, these 8 mths i haf learnt so much bout pple r/s....n which part of me is a gd leader n which is not....i do wan to learn....but tis route is reali not all smooth n ez.....n the previous daes when yh shouted at me, or expressed dat superiors are more bias towards me (indirectly), staff reports to me not her.....it just isnt ez to swallow all that despite that i confide in her the most.....i still respect her as my fellow oic...n dat she has the qualities which i lack....n dat's y we r probably a gd combi....she did hint dat y not just i be the oic...n she can just teach...well, wad makes her tink dat i din haf tis tot?? but aniwae, we r able to put these aside n try to werk fer the better of the sch.....

realli inspired by the speaker...n the video she showed which were all in words....wanna read those books she intro....

the leader lies in you.

2008-06-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

realised i din update on the family last tues....

it was realli fun....gd to see so many supportive parents n siblings, participative students young n old together (our oldest service user aged 33 yrs old came wif parents too!), teachers all letting their hair down....

i dunno y but i ended up being the emcee fer the dae....hard to imagine eh....well, i alwiz feel i'm a different person altog when i'm wif students....so parents? nah....heck....we played telematches, carnival games, wall painting, face painting, mass dance tog....parents even joined us in the dance...haa...so onz....

n tis is our 2nd yr running...but tis time round we held it at our eventual sch site...everyting was old n dirty...except the main hall....n thankfully it was air-conditioned...else we'll all be roasted....it was so scorching hot....man....had to end the dae wif gelare ice-cream....heh....treat fer ourselves....=]

2008-06-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

gd news!!

1. boss finally gg to make time to meet up the parties involved for fri's argument...n he said he's gg to do the necessary....sack U...realli hope he means it....

2. boss offered positions for 2 new staff....hope they'll take it up....mi n yh have been in the pressure cooker all these while as our manpower shortage prob is gg to take place in 2 weeks' time...

3. TR initiated in requesting to go toilet!! he suddenly pulled my hand n brought me to the door n took off the toilet icon....n when he reach the cubicle, he was able to do the whole procedure himself without prompts! usu he'll onli go toilet when we ask him....he is on diapers...in case u're wondering y i'm so happie about such an insignificant 'achievement'....but it's a gd sign!! =)

hope all these will continue to be true....*positive thinking*

things will get better....

2008-06-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

ferst dae of sch n i'm worn out....emotionally....B's mum called the sch in the morning to sae she wans to withdraw him from sch fer a few mths....cos of financial and ill health of the mum n the grandma.....felt so sad but i tried hard not to show....single parent with special needs child on no pay leave, undergoing chemo n radiotherapy for her cancer, taking care of a sickly mother....n the thot of happie b's face.....my heart just sank....how can i help them??? argh.....

so mani tings happened todae...n boss wasnt free to attend to ani of them....was just toking to yh on the phone till 12+pm...werk has taken up 90% of our waking time....

2008-06-23T09:34:00.000-07:00

spent last sat nite singing at wang jia ktv...haa...jh's hse lar...sing till i no breath no voice till late...but it cosy n all....nidless to sae, dat was the last gathering we'll have wif ly b4 he flies off to indiana fer a yr....yep...he REFUSES to let us send him off....okie...=/ wad to do....shall not go into the debating part of it....so yep....sang all the oldies n nostalgic songs...which he selected...haa....haiz....

2008-06-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

My last day of leave b4 sch reopens....

went to AH fer dental appointment...realli nid to start saving now...poof...

watched kung fu panda wif sis n bro! so cute and farnie n action-packed....but was a little too short i felt....
http://youtube.com/watch?v=zxqRU7ZB2MQ
jackie chan's role a little fei...cos onli spoke like 2-3 sentences?

den went facial...ouch....outbreak soon....too stressful....even b4 sch starts....have been sending emails after emails....until now...haiz....

2008-06-08T09:43:00.000-07:00

another spanish song....nice~

2008-06-08T09:32:00.000-07:00

one of the abba's songs we sang at ktv dat dae....haa...in spanish...n paulina explained it's a small ger who etc....etc....cldnt rem...haa....just frm one word....chiquitita....u haf one long story...haa...

2008-06-08T06:24:00.000-07:00

n yesh...my one week's leave is gone....sobz....n one great achievement tis holidays -- i went out everyday! plus! din do any of the werk i brot home in case i was bored....haa...onli received emails n smses bout werk....=P

Monday

taught piano in the morning....all the make up lessons....kena fly kite by woodlands kid....whole family forgot bout it....but nvm, the mum suggested taking dat as a lesson b4 i told her....=)

travelled to tampines....shop at tampines mall n century sq n realised it wasnt as "wow" as b4....since every other shopping centre has all of it now....

went to clara's hse fer dnr....to celebrate yen n paulina's bdaes...n dat cath was gg....erm...okie not celebrate....farewell dnr....knew cath will there...thot it wld be awkward...n the group was like dun match....wanted to pang seh....but like bad lor....but *phew* i m a natural actress man! still tok to her like nth happened....=] it's a pity the school lost her lar....seriously...apart frm her attitude....paulina and yen's kids came....havoc....so hyperactive...clara declared no kids in her hse ever again....haa.....toked bout men....which was usu not the topic wif my other frens...haa...their views on men reali was an eye-opener...haa...learnt alot...heh....mabbe shldnt find one too...hmm.....

yen (L) and paulina(R) 's belated bdaes....clara(middle) the host...

the lil devils....

Tuesday

Went sentosa wif my sis! was drizzling in the morning....but our backup plan -- shopping at vivocity! n so we did....chop chop bot an aldo shades n went over to sentosa once the weather was gd....heh....was drizzling a bit still...but it was ok....as long as i'm awae frm the mainland spore....n i get to see the beach n the sea! wasnt realli doing much...just lying arnd looking at pple...the ah-nehs...the ah-peks....reading mag...listening to music...suntan a teeny weeny bit...take picts....n den went back to shop....heh....had mala steamboat...man! was it spicy! lips doubled up the usual size....realli use zhen cai shi liao....

Wednesday

conquer bukit timah hill! heh....volunteered at my school for the sch holiday prog....heh...glad i went....needed a little werkout n it was an interesting trip compared to the pri sch trip where we got lost in the jungle....(actualli cos i asked my fren to volunteer n not v nice if i dun turn up eh....)

jh frm my jc aka jim (haa..) went...n wow...it has been mabbe 2-3 yrs since i met him?? he has put on wt man...but i din "reassure" him on dat lar...din even mention bout it tho he kept indirectly admitting he is fat....initially he quite zho bo....den in the end his mass came in handy....to lift up a boy to make him stand as he was too tired n just flopped onto the ground....haa...

went up the main route wif the steep cemented trail...no kick...cos we have been climbing stairs all the time! my student emerged ferst! gd job W! heh....his mum n bro came...his elder bro looked younger but exactly like him....haa....came down by the jungle trail....ups n downs...n like teresa said...it's just like life....oh well....preaching in the woods...haa...great....most of the students enjoyed it....heh...haven seen R smile fer a long while.....=)

monkeys attack!! ferst, snatched my student's bro's tidbits...n more monkeys came...all trying to steal food frm us...gosh....snatched another packet frm another student...n H, hoo was sitting wif me asked me "miss serene, can i stand here?" *pointing at the bench...haa...yesh H! com'on....n i stood there wif him....cos i'm scared too!!! he held me by my waist....wan to run oso cannot...haa...so there he was, writing his journal...about the monkeys...haa...then dey performed the RA show fer the other sec sch students there...n gosh...they were so thrilled....kids....

went straight to chinatown to sing ktv wif yen n girl, paulina n boy, n yh....ferst time sing so mani english songs....me just cannot sing well...haiz...but nvm! it's fer the fun of it! but it wasnt too relaxing...cos the kids realli drive us nuts....meddle tis meddle dat....onli got peace when dey went to the main hall to dance n even got to know the waiter n kapo a drink....best! untill the waiter came in n said "sorry, we are gg to start the hall oreadi....cannot look aft them animore..." hahahaha......realli turned the small rm upside down man....

Thursday

woke up later than other days....watched The Rainman dvd....finally got it at tampines mall dat dae....it was almost extinct....last part was quite interesting...but like all other shows on autism, dey portrayed onli the tiny bit of the spectrum....but dustin hoffman n tom cruise r realli gd actors....dustin hoffman was still so young then!!

played badminton wif ly, jh n jy....n had a quick dnr at bpp ljs cos rushing to woodlands fer lesson...sorrie guys....=S

Friday

went to trim my hair....badly nid it...n turned out looking almost the same....but at least i felt lighter...luckily it was cheap....

went town to shop n haf high tea wif adel at royal park...yesh...again....it's royal park....food wasnt as great but we ate so much till we were bloated...had to walk down the whole stretch of orchard to digest the food...one company was organising their staff retreat there...so noisy....they realli saved the fee for a function rm man....even had their lucky draws there....gosh....

Saturday

supposed to meet for cycling at ecp....bad weather again....argh...so met fer korean dnr....ordered ginseng chicken soup....gd tonic fer me...haa...n went back to ecp fer walk to realise dat it started drizzling again....

Sunday

finished piano earlie n was about to go yio chu kang sports hall to watch table tennis match live....den dad msg to sae it's too late cos it ends at 5....sianz....so watched frm tv....onli manage to catch the last bit....but miss the days when i played tt....n watched the matches live...=[

2008-06-05T08:48:00.000-07:00

some thots bout the day activity centre...

haven been to dac aft a long while...finally had a chance to go over to relief just b4 i went on leave...cos usu mi n yh haf to die die stand guard in sch...haiz...

well, so touched dat some of them still rem me!! n gave me the smirky smile as usual...haa....well dat dae was quite alrite despite the scary stories i've heard from my colleagues....cos it was therapy dae n i din had to do much...plus some students were not arnd...went overseas etc....gd life man...initially i was quite apprehensive...tho i've werked wif some of them b4...but kinda lost touch fer so long....but all was gd n i enjoyed myself there! realli....fer a dae...heh....it's realli different frm sch side....cos the adults are more interesting....plus i can throw awae the oic load there...haa....n i must sae we have taken in a few more cute guys! it's realli a pity....dey wld haf mesmerized mani gers with their smiles and distinctive features....haiz....c? gd-looking guys are either married, attached, gay or ASD...haiz...

most of them are now better at following instructions which was such a happie sight....of cos some just are the same way they were back then...there may be daes where the dac staff may feel discouraged, exhausted or angry with some students....but maybe they dun see it, that the students have reali changed...becos of them.....n becos they r with them everyday so they probably dun realise it...but i do! must go back n let them noe they realli shld kip up the gd werk....it's not ez...i noe...they r realli our dac warriors....haa....*applause*

2008-06-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

my one week break officially starts now! dun seem long enuff fer me to recuperate n do all the tings i wanna do.....hmmph....planning to take more daes....heh...

cath n d officially tendered....n yh n i have to do exit interviews wif them....haiz....to quote my boss "so dat we ensure that dey leave as a happie staff..." the interviews aint gg to be truthful i can foresee.....duhz...wad's da pt...

heck....shall see to those probs after my break!! but ironically, i'll see cath tmr at clara's hse....darn...mabbe i shldnt go....hmm....all the wae to tampines to see my colleagues again....argh....

2008-06-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

2008-05-31T08:58:00.000-07:00

caught chronicles of narnia: prince caspian with ct n ly at lot one...heh....lotsa seats tho it was a new movie....n obviously we knew y after wanting to buy popcorn....the temp stall put up to sell tidbits was pathetic....the popcorn it sold was the kind where u can buy from pasar malam...wrapped up in plastic....sianz diao....so we smuggled tidbits in from ntuc...heh...

show was long...but the ferst half i was trying to figure out the first epilogue....n slowly manage to piece in the details......interesting still...cos of the mythical effects, fantasy world, and the gorgeous scenery.....n of cos...king peter was gd-luking...heh.....the part where he fought with miraz.....so man~~! prince caspian? nah....his accent just dun fit well into the show...but his clean-shaven self does look more pleasurable....

2008-05-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

2008-05-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

ok guys, if u r wondering y i've not updated about the "war"....dat's becos u dunno the style of my boss yet...there was no firewerks to begin with (u noe, like the olden daes where dey set firewerks to declare war?)....well, simply put, my boss wasnt free to meet her up....n based on the "evidence" i've collected, it has been put to waste...cos there were no new evidences to it...n thus, no case fer war....so let's see how long we can go on 'peacefully'....

n if u tink tis post is nth interesting then, u're darn wrong....
earlie in tis morning, i smsed my colleague...
me: hey cath, where are you?
cath: Ha ha i thot u wldnt call. sori for late notice but i need urgent leave. impt tings to do.
me: u r supposed to call us lo! still luff! wad urgent matters?
cath: Personal. with raj gone who do we ask? u r onli oic. surely i dun come to u for permission rite?
me: by procedures, even with raj arnd, all staff on urgent leave or mc has to report by calling yh or myself. we haf the right to noe all staff mvm.

she was supposed to report for werk at 8am n it wasnt like i msg her at 8.30am k? i msg at 10am lo....
din u read boss's email?? I AM the OIC and Trackhead! u r onli trackhead....sorrie if u dunno dat oic is the 2nd in line after boss here....
"For matters requiring decisions, please refer to your OICs who will consult me as needed."

attitude.
on the very first day raj is officially not with us.
bad omen.
boiling mad. cldnt sleep on the train for my whole journey frm simei to boon lay. argh.
wun be surprised she will throw in the towel when she comes back to office. just like the other time. n every subsequent mths.
but tis time, it cld be for real. esp after we announce dat her old team has been changed. cos out of the 3, one seems suffocated enuff, the other requested fer transfer, the other new one stupidly promised her she will stay in her track n aft which kena scolding fer a small matter till she cried. but i noe boss will try to persuade her back.

i'm sorry but if u tink u haf the boss backing, dat's ur business.
i'm sorry if u tink u r most qualified to take over my role, or even raj's role, go ahead, i wun care.
i'm sorry if u tink ur gers are learning much frm u n u r a gd role model, so be it.
u're just deceiving urself.

i'm sorry boss if u are not able to recruit pple who has potentials WITH gd pple skills.
i'm sorry boss if i have stepped on the toes of this potential leader of urs.
i'm sorry boss if u do not have a true eye to differentiate who belongs in ur troop n who r ur black sheeps.
i'm sorry boss if i gladly let go of my duties n let someone more competent to take over.

i wldnt be so childish as to threaten to leave just becos of such pple or incident. but i cant sae it's true if i haf mani of such pple AND incidents....tis is realli one such dae dat i must agree wif my colleague, find a rich man n get married...den i can just do piano teaching at home just like wad my piano teacher has been psycho-ing me to do....haiz....bet u can tell how irritated i m by now....

2008-05-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

To phrase it positively, it's 3 daes to independence daes ahead....
To phrase it negatively, it's 3 daes to zi4 shen1 zi4 mie4 daes ahead....

n hmm...i'm realli not feeling the impact dat's gg to come my wae yet....gosh....i nid to be mentally prepared come wad may....*poof* no more life buoy animore....

2008-05-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

the song i picked up from the movie yesterday...to find dat it was in my all-time-fave movie butterfly effect too!

2008-05-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

watched made of honor wif wach-mach-wach gang for our mthly gathering yest....kinda sweet movie wif expected plot...but nevertheless, it brings upon the issue of....the perfect guy, but is he really the perfect guy for u...n some tings are alwiz left unspoken of till the dae u noe u r going to lose dat someone...haa...typical enuff lar...

on the same note, jj n johnny r getting rom real soon! in 2 mths' time! brot forward but not cos of shotgun (like wad dat sc thot)....realli thot sc cld be jj's made of honor lar! serious...butt mah....haa...but not the one like the movie where he steals the bride of cos....haa....all these tok wif frens who r getting married has moved us to another phase in life....n congrats to the guys who haf completed their studies! finally huh...haa...dat's another phase in their lives too....we r all maturing....haa...(note dat i avoided using "growing old")....mabbe it's the mid-20s crisis again....added stress....

had buffet dnr...ferst time we sat at a chinese table fer dnr...tink more will come wif all the wedding bells ringing...simply lurved the mango pudding!! yummie...but towards the end, i was so full dat it tasted not as nice oreadi....but still, i lurve mango pudding! =)

guess y we luff so hard....?

cos when asked to position our heads nearer, ly said "we oreadi so near dat i can smell her (my) hair!" dat's ly's house brand of humor...

us at pearl river restaurant....so oriental....

refer to www.wach-mach-wach.blogspot.com for more details.....=P

2008-05-14T09:39:00.000-07:00

B was sent back home cos he has suspicious red spots on his palm...when i told him he cant go outing wif us, it was as tho dark clouds suddenly appeared on top of him n his whole face cheeriness was gone....but he's fine...his outing is to go home in a cab....heh....my 2 other colleagues sent him home...while the rest of us went pasir ris park...

one of my colleague was telling us how pale n sickly the mother looked....she has shaven off all her hair....cos of the chemo....i can imagine how she looks....will pay her a visit during the hols....n while my colleague was telling us over lunch, she starting tearing profusely after i told her bout his family background....cos she saes dey so poor ting....n indeed they are....just like how i felt....she din mind adopting B if anyting bad were to happen to the mum *touchwood touchwood* my colleague so emo....how to survive in tis field lidat....tho she has been in tis field fer quite a while too le....

todae had to wei4 min2 chu2 hai4....reported all the evil doings of my 2 colleagues...typed out a 14-page long report....cos boss wans black n white....showed him the evidence...evidence i discovered from my sharp observations, diligence plus my CSI mind...(watching too much tv aint dat bad at all!)....but i dunno wad's gonna be the outcome....mabbe just another warning letter....if dat's the case, all the rest of the staff will be so disappointed wif our boss man....so mani tings haf happened...caused by the 2 n inflicted onto everyone else....n i meant everyone....no one had gd tings to sae bout both of them....but the most vicious ting was....they used the churches as their backer....damn....i dunno wad's the chance of us winning the battle....seriously....even tho we may haf all the evidence n support....after working fer near to 3 yrs here, i've learnt alot....twice or even triple more than other jobs i wld say....be it politics, management skills, coaching skills, teaching skills n wad not....tings just happen so fast dat we just haf to step up to it....Step up! Hoping fer the best....=] *shrug*

dad made me n sis panick tis morning....cos knowing the journey from home to east side is so far, he din top up the petrol! gosh...the red light was up n we were looking fer the nearest petrol kiosk along bedok reservoir road...where he, being the direction-insensitive driver, kept taking the wrong turn....so worried lor...in situations lidat dunno wad to do man...luckily we saw one in the end....den i had to do the navigation cos i'm most familiar wif the east side amongst the 3 of us liao....i oso agar agar lor...ferst time had to be alert n noe where we are....usu i'll just space out during the ride....so even tho we may take the same route everydae, if i were to drive, i wld still nid guidance as to which road to take....if i were to drive, dat is....

2008-05-13T09:33:00.001-07:00

met up wif my psych frens....it's been a year or so since we last met up!! gosh....this time round wq n cy brot their other halves too....well as usual in every other gathering, everyone else had their other halves liao....tho we haf not met fer so long, it felt just like back in the uni daes....nostalgia....n coincidentally the guy whom we alwiz bio in arts fac last time was there at the same food court too! haa....wif his group of arts fren too....so it realli seemed like those good old uni daes where we sat at arts canteen to do pple-watching!! haa...=P

usually for gatherings after work i'll be like half dead....but not todae! i was realli tired on my wae there....but when i reached, i suddenly became realli lively....dunno y....haven seen myself lidat fer most other gatherings fer a long time....i miss dat part of me....truly.....i dunno y i've lost dat liveliness in me fer so long....probably cos of age, or fatigue, or interest...hmm....

the gathering was short but realli warm n nice...

my jc frens are like almost vanished....okie...mabbe qy has been trying to meet up wif me but i wasnt trying hard enuff to meet up wif her....jh called me yest out of the blue....haa...thot he called the wrong person....but nah! he was looking fer me! haven heard frm him fer ages! well as usual he needed a favor frm me lar...haa....just read his blog....dedicated to his students....cant believe he is a teacher lor.....haa....but i guess the most attractive part of him wld be his sincerity, humor, and inspiration....shhh....better dun let him noe bout tis....he'll get onto cloud nine....haa...well, i shall wait fer him to org a class gathering as promised again....which had no news in the end....sianz...

frens can realli come n go but some frens still stay close to heart even tho we dun meet....it's kinda unexplainable y....i cant seem to find an ans y....it's not like these frens have been thru thick n thin wif u....but u just click....mabbe dat's wad dey mean by affinity....=]

2008-05-12T09:30:00.001-07:00

2008-05-11T07:31:00.000-07:00

realised i'm so tired tis week even tho i haf no class fer the whole week.....mon n tues got someone to relief me....wed- fri sch closed....shiok....but not so shiok...meetings after meetings....discussions after discussions....chats after chats.....xiong....

fri was the most shiok one...morning went fer an openhouse of another sped sch...had mac breakfast wif my other oic....at least can enjoy my breakfast slowly fer once....tried mcgriddles....too sweet....den went back sch to zho bo abit....had a party at 3pm....fer hfmd...n mothers' dae....actualli just becos we wanted to eat dat nice choc cake lar...so we came up with these lame excuses fer eating it...haa...my colleague even wrote "farewell hfmd" on it....duhz....winner....den left at 6+pm to go attend the imac course at wheelock place....den chit chat wif yh n the music therapist till late....haiz....sharing all our woes....

sat n sun nowadaes are quite spoilt by my colleagues....we are still msging each other over weekends, calling each other, settling matters, sending emails....haiz....pls! pple! we all need a break!!

din realise until yest i din had rice fer 2 daes in a row man! Fri ate mac breakfast, no lunch, cakes fer tea, mushroom soup & salad fer dnr, drinks fer supper.....thurs had colombian spaghetti n filipino fruit salad (yummy! prepared by my co teacher...everyone added points to him...haa...) for lunch, muffins fer dnr....

went shopping fer watches fer our parents wif adel....finally decided on 2...dat was realli hard work lor....den my mum todae went back to change to another design....sianz.....did a little shopping....n as usual, wanted to buy tis blouse...n wanted to tink about it ferst....guess wad...after dnr when i went back, there was no more stock....so not fated....tis aint the ferst time liao....upteen times.....no affinity.....haiz.....

din celebrate mothers' dae....all we did was just watch Ah Long Pte Ltd vcd at home....

just feel so tired...lucki tmr no sch still...shall wake up late n report fer werk at 11am...heh~! shall go enjoy breakfast! *slack*

2008-05-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

woah...sch is closed fer 3 daes...cos of a confirmed hfmd case....poor boy...just finished his chicken pox now hfmd...

todae everyone was down to do spring cleaning, sterilise all the toys n teaching stuff n fumigating the rooms.....it's so farnie to see everyone dressed up in plastic aprons, masks, gloves, rubbish bags, etc....it reminded me of the daes when i ferst started werk at saac...where we had to clean all the furniture off the mosses n all...yucky but it was fun cleaning together...i hope dey all had fun todae....except those 2 who stayed in their own rooms to clean up n then when others went in they left....so anti-social....chey!

felt a little guilty fer not helping out at all....was at 3 meetings thruout the dae...gosh...n i've had meetings fer 3 solid daes! the last meeting wif boss i almost cldnt make it liao...wanted to fall aslp...asked me fer opinions but i totally haf nth to sae....cos lack of experience n foresights....stress....but it's ok...i just tell myself...it's alrite to not know too much n not perform as well as others...cos dat's when i haf room to improve...n most importantly...at tis crucial juncture, i better dun be too outspoken or outstanding....cos i dun wan to take over any part of my supervisor's role....(trying to console myself dat i'm not up to it....after all these hidden meaning in these 3 daes' meeting...poof...) so mani problems n shit to clear...i even tot of telling my boss i wanna gif up tis oic tingy....i'll be much happier being a normal staff....hinted to supervisor dat i'm oso not sure if tis is wad i wan to do tho i appear, or shld i sae, most pple tink i look like i do....pple come n tell me i'm gg to stay here fer life....i realli dunno....seems like my other oic talked to pc bout tis too....haiz...

todae's lunch was gd n fun! went sempang bedok....nice nice mango madness!! left us all craving for it even when we just finished it....tmr's lunch is colombian pasta! prepared by our colombian colleague....heh....n we haf a dress up theme tmr....finally....cos usu we all wear quite sloppish-ly...interesting....

on fri, we gonna order dat nice choc cake from the factory direct! heh...yummy.....too bad i can onli join later....cos morning gg to another sch's openhouse....

sorrie if we seem like we r "celebrating" these few daes....it's all in the name of hfmd awareness dae....=P but we all realli nid a break too la! jay was singing wif the guitar while cleaning lor...n i was playing the sleigh bells tog lor....see how stressed we are?

if onli the fun parts could stay on ferever...wif nice colleagues arnd....but my moods these daes are realli dampened by all these insight stories (aka gossips) bout all the staff....sometimes i cant help to tink that the rest of the mgm pple are pretty bias....not tink, but definitely so...or issit dat i'm too naive?

2008-05-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

poison emails gg round....so scarie....

over the weekend, emails shot to one another like darts....i was in the loop...n tings just seem more than meets the eye after todae's whole dae meeting....just felt uneasy....sth is brewing betw the other two oics, pc n us....felt it was rather unnecessary....dey kinda drop hints dat tis is called advocating....hmm...wondered wad it meant....told yh n she seemed oblivious to all that...haiz...

felt evil when i sent 2 emails out just now...not to compete in tis email war...but dat it was more of my responsibility to check on them....if not careful, tis could mean like a personal attack...realli haf to be extra careful when handling such hr stuff...gd ting i din go into hr field...

it's realli tiring to kip tabs on others....to poke into everyone's business....n end up wif the comment "these daes u like quite slow...nid to step up...." i din wan to respond too much to all these stuff....cos sometimes i realli feel i'm an oic in name...=( all the petty tings i haf to deal wif....impt decision making roles r given to others to deal wif....so dat makes me more or less the nosey parker in the office rite....=(

never mind....in 15 more daes....pc gone....4 more mths s gone....n along the wae it sounds from my pc dat more r gg too...scarie news but i guess we can onli cross the bridge when we reach....haiz...

everyone kept asking me if i'm ok todae...thot i looked pale or sth....but one colleague said...u just looked different....like there's sadness on ur face...well....mabbe i wasnt all smiles cos din get to see my class big part of the dae....n tmr as well....

but felt quite appreciated when w came over n pulled my arm to insist dat i go supermarket wif the class...tho my other 2 colleagues were there to take over my class liao...=) but tis other oic kept giving the remark that i'm like my class boys' mummy oreadi....dunno if that meant to be a joke or sarcasm....okok...mabbe i shld b like my other oic...."i dont wan to tink to deep into it"...i must adopt dat kinda nonchanlance attitude sometimes.....n i realli hate myself fer being too observant too....leaving myself in a spot now.....haiz....

it's amazing how the few of us cld stare at all the names of the staff n students the whole dae n not decided on aniting...tmr haf to look at it again....allocating teachers to classes is realli a tuff job....haf to take care of teachers' gum-ness, characters, matching energy levels to the class's, availibility to work in either session, special requests to work with or not work with someone, ability to work wif higher support needs students, past experience....gosh....it's like a puzzle dat doesnt fit well...now i noe the frustration in ym, my student, when he cant find the last missing piece in his puzzle....esp when it's lost fer good....he even asked fer help but no one cld help him find it....exactly our thots now....

enuff of sighing.....tmr gotta sigh more.....=S
sad....cant go pasir ris park tmr wif my boys....

2008-05-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

i noe it's oreadi 1am but if i dun blog, i doubt i haf time to do it...dat's y my blog has been quite stagnant...haa....n eventually all news become old news....

haven had such a havoc weekend fer ages....my life is just too boring i realised....yest went fer dnr at cuppage plaza fer shabu shabu....to celebrate fk's bdae....real long time since i met up wif my sec sch frens....n quite a lot turned up....xj, wy, zy, ks, shawn, zw, zm, sc....dnr was ok...tho it wasnt really my cup of tea...too bland...haa....the big plate of veg was intimidating too...haa...

n as usual, after many stop-and-go, stop-and-go discussions, we finally decided to go newasia bar at swissotel...realli nice night view of singapore....looking down from 70th storey realli takes u awae from the busy streets and ferget bout all the stress....my BOWL of strawberry margarita was magnificant....so worth it...haa....

dance floor started but dat's not my playground...so nah....dancing's out fer me...so sat there to look at pple n watch the bags....lotsa ang mohs....filipinos....indians....mostly foreigners except us....both me n zy agreed dat we are one of the youngest group around and we actualli spent the most....additional 2 bottles of vodkas + 4 jugs of orange juice n sprite...little wonder it left us all quite tipsy....

the nite got more havoc when the sabotage of the bdae ger began....dat bartender all out to sabo fk....poor ting....i realli wondered was it fk's bdae or shawn's.....n dat saboteur made her drink shots....which ended up in a puking scene....both fk n shawn....the incident was slightly demanding on xj's n my brains cos both of us areadi a little dizzy...but nid to quickly problem solve....n luckily we all managed to get home in a piece....

but it was gd to see all our friends trying to help one another out when in need....realli c one another out thru thick n thin....*i'm toking from a 3rd person viewpt* haa.....

oh well, some days we nid tings lidat to spice up our lives.....=)

*will upload the pics if i ever get them....or have the time to upload...else, just refer to any of my other fren's blog...it shld be there too* =P

2008-04-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

wow~! got an email regarding tis nlb mobile library bus...whether our school service users will benefit from it!! so cool!! definitely some students will benefit from it! n so convenient...dun haf to travel to nearest library....just take lift downstairs to the library!! kool~

2008-04-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

2008-04-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

poof...just finished a long essay of all the happenings n unhappiness with the 2 irritating teachers for boss....he wanted everyting recorded....duhz....MIA for almost a week! cao genk lor....haiz...MC la...Leave lar....wad's next??

so excited bout the new PDA dat i received...heh...one of the first ones to get it! heh....still charging it...but it's so cool to haf a pda arnd.....thot the design wasnt realli nice....

had a great day out at pasir ris park with my class! again! haa....last week we went climbing....the web ting....W pulled a stunt when he adjusted his pants (as he alwiz do...) while balancing on two ropes....amazing! most of them enjoyed the satelite-like merry-go-round todae....i liked it too....oops =X....but had to push them lar....arms so tired...n the sun! was scorching hot....i turned red....hope no one falls sick tmr....eh...mabbe not...haa....aniwae tmr gg to do flowers fer mother's day!!

hasnt been quite a happy week....mum was pretty upset wif mi n my sis....haiz....long story....but it was our dad's bdae lor....n it kinda spoiled the atmosphere.....haiz.....

boss finally broke the news of my supervisor leaving to the other staff...via email....some of them were quite shocked....oh well....these few weeks just feel very odd toking to my supervisor....he suddenly had his own clique n hardly toks to mi n yh....they all seemed very bz wif dac stuff...but not kiping us in the loop about it....oh well....the lesser i noe the better too lar....too tired remembering so mani tings.....

yh went fer op fer her eye... had been swollen for weeks lor....n now on 2 daes mc...haiz...so i have to hold the fort fer 2 daes.... hopefulli nth major comes along.....*cross fingers*

wad realli kips me gg fer tis week is LABOUR DAY!! finally a PH....it's like a drought man....so mani mths no PH.....n my plans are....to explore the alphasmart (a leapfrog kinda laptop for learning) and do up more work tasks n materials fer the class....how interesting....

on another happy note, it is finally known to public through the news that SAAC is gg to move to elliot road!! but in 2010.....

2008-04-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

boss arranged a photography workshop todae fer us...cos he alwiz complains we dun take nice photos so dat he can use fer publicity....haa....quite interesting...take my mind off the stress fer a while...just pointed out some basic factors we should consider when taking photos...

1. aperture
2. shuttle speed
3. framing
4. subject of focus
5. colors

fun to explore the functions of the camera....tempted to get a cam of my own....hmm....but shall try out using the sch's camera ferst....showed some of the past photos i took during the christmas fair last yr....he said my pics were not bad...heh....shall werk hard at taking nicer photos....been clicking students' photos using my hp lor....not even a digicam....but i tot it was gd enuff till todae....hmm....insightful...

boss lined up another video workshop and apple imac workshop fer us....gd to learn new tings....sometimes when boss has crazy ideas, it's not too bad an idea afterall....haa...at least it is some kinda personal upgrading fer us....so motivated to take photos dat tell stories now....just like the saying "a picture paints a thousand words".....

2008-04-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

it's been a Terrible Tuesday.

4 morning classes....2 classes' teachers not around...meaning 2 on mc, 2 on leave....imagine how in need of manpower we are....everyone whether on duty or not had to relief.....exhausted....lucki todae my own class go outing....nearly fall aslp on the bus ride to pasir ris park cos of one student who refuses to take train...argh...but practically the whole school was turned upside down....tantrums here n there....screams, cries, noise....argh....

more relief tmr....sianz...realli sick of this man....both mi n yh sianz earlie in the morning ....1st hr after i wake up i had a headache...so mani sms-es...all late lar, on mc lar....i was stuck in jam then....adds on to my headache...

still feeling sore at the decisions made sometimes....sometimes i dun feel i'm part of the managerial level...tho in title i shld b....but suddenly feel like i'm just a pawn in this whole game....nothing was realli under my control....i cant even haf some predictability myself....how can things be under my control??

realli dunno how long my enthusiasm will last n can last....

was listening to the radio n dey were discussing on the topic of "if u were a super hero, wad supernatural powers wld u wan?" mani called in to sae "predictability of the future".....i wld love dat...but if dat were to happen, wad's the point of living?? so mabbe i shldnt feel so disheartened by all these changes n unpredictability?? den again...it's too overwhelming.....everyday....=S

2008-04-20T09:32:00.000-07:00

it has yet been another xiong week...and weekend...

2 major tantrums in 2 consecutive days...wasnt from my class, din get hurt, but some staff are down cos of dat...all suffered here and there...poof...strong boys...i had to relief the classes then...or standby everyday....

first lesson plan due...n many more paper work coming up....poof....

had so many discussions with my co tis week....staff meeting too...onli complaint abt my co is dat he is too soft-spoken....tho he has improved...but our class too noisy...cant hear him sometimes....everyday after class both of us gets ringing sounds in our ears....giving me a headache everyday....i alwiz pity whoever becomes my co teacher...cos i never have time wif them....my time is given to everyone else...sadly..he had to stay back on friday to discuss with me when everyone else went home....*guilt* he comes earlie more often these days....cos i'm there early everyday...so he said just in case i'm free he can catch me ferst....*guilt guilt*

cos of the staff meeting on wed, i have more paper werk n discussions coming up....n had to postpone all my piano lessons on wed to todae....i'm really glad i'm not a full time piano teacher....travelling alone is enuff to kill....i travelled to my piano teacher's house at jurong west...den to cck near my house...den to yew tee...den back to cck central....gosh....realli a loner n must-travel-alot job....

yest went to alexandra hospital fer dental appt...cos of my wisdom tooth....had an xray n was advised to extract it...it's a high risk surgery (as compared to other pple) cos it is in the way of my nerves...n when i told the dentist i m considering braces...she said in that case haf to extract probably 8 teeth!!! argh....n yesh...i'm gg to put braces at this age....sigh....*broke* will be meeting the braces doc in june...haiz...wad worries me apart from the pain n money is dat i'll be given 8 days of mc....

todae at my piano teacher's hse....again, she commented dat i look pale....who wldnt? considering i haf to werk big half of the time, din had gd sufficient sleep last nite (cos my biological clock woke me up...drats!), practised 1.5 hr of piano non-stop, carry tons of books to her hse where i have to take 2 buses, reach her hse to play fer another 45 min or so....to learn that she wants me to take another 3 students.....had to decline....else i'll die....ask me to eat black chicken, which i obediently did for lunch....drink yomeishu as wad my dad alwiz asked me to.....wad probably made me turn paler was when she said she told her fren to look out for guys for me n her other students in 20s.....duhz....

cant believe tmr is the start of another week again....i'm living by daes....i totally lost count of dates.....have been fergeting impt dates these daes....so do remind me if there's another gathering or so (to my dear wach mach wach pple....) haa.....u guys are probably the only ones i meet apart from my colleagues n students liao....haa....n oh yes...gonna meet angela hewitt on fri n sun....in case u're wondering who she is....she's a pianist....gg fer her concerts....nid someone to gimme the boost of inspiration man.....

2008-04-14T09:41:00.000-07:00

felt so guilty last fri when i made my ever-so-cheery boy cry....but after he cried again todae, i wasnt the least guilty animore....he is so not typical of ASD except his obsession wif the lift buttons, auto doors and switches....he has been playing wif the lift buttons ever since tis year...his goal was to stop tis inappropriate bhv...so well, i used the "thinking chair" method....made him sit at the thinking chair when he played wif the lift....being totally friendly n likes being wif frens, he hates being left out....no wae could i get him to sit on the chair....he tried to "kiss" me awae, push me awae...none of which worked...so he started sitting at the sofa looking super gloomy....as if doing self reflection there....n when i asked if he was ready to join the class, he started weeping from the bottom of his heart....for a moment, my heart nearly melted...i m now the one feeling remorseful about wad he has done....well done boy! u have successfully manipulated ur teacher.....haa...n as he cried he spat on the sofa...yucks...haa...fer the rest of the dae din wan to push him too hard...haiz....n todae he did the same again....okie....i'll learn to not feel the remorse from todae onwards....my new co teacher must feel i'm so fierce...haa...=X wonder if i shld continue wif the thinking chair approach...it actualli werked fer a while when i reminded him....hmm...

i tink i'm realli aging faster than i m....forced to grow up in this org...forced to be the sensible one in the org...mabbe werking wif so mani females make me haf tis strong self awareness of wad is gg to happen to me in 5 yrs' time....still single like most of my colleagues? wierd like some of them? happy-go-lucky still? or old n haggard? i'm quite adversive to guys' touch these daes...haa...how shld i put it...mabbe kena touched by students so often....i'm ok wif their touch...but todae my co teacher suddenly tried to pick sth frm my hair, i felt funny....n when the ot sometimes gimme a pat i m quite sensitive to it....haaa...mabbe i'm too conservative....*shy* it's difficult to get close to me i guess..haa....n mabbe my other colleague is rite...i'm the ice queen....alwiz look so cool....but i'm not lor....i'm the panicky gan cheong spider.....

2008-04-09T08:47:00.000-07:00

somehow or rather, bitching has become part of my job everydae...all tis politicking is realli driving me nuts...n the male colleagues disturbed by all these touchy women arnd them...haa....

the invincible duo - U n D
no one can outtalk them...my prog head gave up on them...mi almost there too liao...now everyting they do we'll just go straight n report to boss....giving him a headache...todae i went in wif their arch enemy to report wad has been happening all along....
they r just trying to find trouble every single dae....one dae, pencils missing, another dae, brushes lost, chairs oily, books missing, the latest one was theft of idea...she insisted P their arch enemy copied her idea of doing up the shopping list....oh pls! it's just a shopping list!!
most absurd one was last week when dey maligned P of abusing students cos apparently they saw some "blood stains" on the door....which most probably was paint...n the boy in the class kept saying he wants to go home...haiz...come on lar...never heard of asd students wif echolalia issit?? made a big hooha out of it...said it's voodoo lar...asked the pastor n gang to go pray in that classroom lar....totally nonsensical!! argh.....plus rite, their attitudes r realli untolerable!! totally dun care bout students which irks all the teachers most....argh....

all the oics r living in daes of fear....cos we realli dunno when we'll lose our sense of direction n strength....tings just seem a little gloomy....

Y tendered last week....we din noe the exact reason...until i spoke to her....another case of cannot get along wif colleague....so now she wun mind a transfer to the adults side....but the reason she gave to dat particiular colleague was dat she wanted to go into early intervention....such a great difference....we were cracking our heads to tink of a reason fer her transfer so dat dat colleague will not smell sth amiss....she probably will given her strong sense of intuition....haiz....

*disclaimer: the below extract is not fer weak stomachs or fer full stomachs....*

todae, my new boy realli tire my co teacher A n i out...at the start of class....not realli toilet trained, was on diapers but parents want him to remove n change whenever he reaches school....so we did....everydae....

me to A: do u smell sth? tink someone farted leh....v smelly!!
A: where got??
after mani rounds of cfmation, he still din smelt it...i gave up trying to convince him...den came circle time....
me: TR, stand up....*felt sth not rite as he was squatting there* dun tell me it's u TR....oh no...
n true enuff....i wasnt born in the yr of dog fer nth k! i saw sh*t cascading down his legs....stunned for a few minutes, both of us not knowing wad to do ferst....finally when i got my senses back, i held on to his hands n asked my co to bring me 2 plastic bags....i'll tie up his feet n walk him to the toilet...n it was there we washed him up while another teacher babysitted my class fer a while....gosh....when will the boys toilet ever be ventilated??! argh...nearly fainted...my co had to run to the fan to breathe fer a while....he's so farnie....haa...after we changed him all, went back to class...the impatient boy started crying cos he cldnt stand waiting time...took so long fer him to calm down...gosh...n den, my nose pricked n smelt sth again....bad omen...gotta change him again....haiz...last diaper liao....called dad to come fetch him....n guess wad? they live one street awae frm me...n took 1.5 hrs exactly to reach sch....thanks lor...almost time to go home by den....but aniwae, he was fine towards the end....phew....

something to cheer me on...my class is now the cutest class n most fun class...as noted by most teachers n therapists....heh....all the 5 characters in my class r cute to bits tho dey haf their difficult moments too lar...but generally, we r a happy class...B n WP r my "long time volunteers for answering ALL questions" haa...."who wants to help me?" *raise hands...."who dun wan to go home?" *rasie hands....i alwiz trick them...haa...so mean huh....WP has his own "chek chek chek" language n i sometimes communicate wif him in dat lang....i kinda understood it....*ultimate level liao...* YM is the fatty boy in my class who can do hand stand for 3 secs like how pple do fer hip hop dance....W has his signature wae of running which is so farnie....n TR is the only clear verbal student i have who speaks nodding his head everytime when i ask him a qn....as if to reassure me dat his answer is correct...laughing is wad we all haf in common....even while cleaning sh*t i oso can luff...tink i'm gg crazy.....haa....it's just too contagious....sooooo grateful fer tis bunch of kids i haf.....so even after a whole morning of bitching n arguing n being shouted at fer nth, the best medicine is still the luffter in my class....

2008-03-30T07:57:00.000-07:00

my body's a wreck now....shoulder pains now escalate to cervical spinal pain at the neck....having a bad toothache fer the past week due to the embedded wisdom tooth...my guess is dat lar....after much persuasion from my colleagues i decided to go see the dentist as it's been disrupting my sleep....luckily i manage to get a slot which was given up by someone else n it's on tmr...so cant go fer class...but will still go office in the morning to settle n prep fer a week in case i'll be awae fer the next few daes...din wan to leave my new co teacher stranded....

argh....just wad's happening to me?? premature aging or issit aging itself? having all the ailments like an old lady....gosh...dunno wad's up next....=(

2008-03-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

2008-03-15T01:12:00.000-07:00

2008-03-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

someting bout my sch holidaes...

sch hols started a little earlier fer me...cos was oreadi on course b4 sch hols started....visuals n structured teaching.....heard the stuff over n over liao...my prog head bored to bits....so we kinda gossipped abit...heh...

outta 5 daes, 3 daes i'm on training...2 in-house, 1 at ssti...had one on occupational therapy....quite interesting...learnt how to do massages, activities for calming, etc....the hands-on part was quite funny...cos all the older generation pple din wan to try....so the rest of us just tried on each other...massaging n demo...haa...not so calming to us i guess....cos our senses work differently frm the students'....another one was by my prog head...chim...heard mani of the tings b4 but nid to refresh my memory man....application is another difficult part....the other one on handwriting...the ferst 5 min into the workshop i knew i was in the wrong workshop liao....i nided pre-writing skills, not handwriting skills...haiz....but not bad lar...my colleague got to noe a pretty cut guy at the workshop...haa...so bad...teasing her even tho she oreadi has a dotter...

prep-work: to be done todae n over the weekend....without the laminating machine is such a torture...or mabbe i'm too used to having laminated tings n velcro around me....

farniest joke of term 1:

in relation to my trainings on visuals...we often presesnt symbols or pictures to students to communicate...esp so when most of them are non verbal n studies haf shown they understand better in pictures den when spoken to....overload....many a times in class, i would show icons (as if they are some referee cards or talisman....

now look at the picture below....wad does it mean to u?

now try again....

better? makes more sense?

so guess wad one of my student did when i showed it to him when he was v noisy....(cldnt find the "be quiet" card when in a frantic).....

answer: he dropped his jaw n opened his mouth wide....i stood beside him dumbfounded n stunned for 3 sec....den i started bursting into luffter....told my co-teacher wad happened she too luffed....so literal.....so cute....whenever i see dat pic i'm alwiz reminded n cant help but giggle....my mistake...shld haf put a red cross on it...so visuals do werk....but it nids to be explained...since he cant read the words....but well, it did kip him quiet for a while...hhahaha....

2008-03-14T08:27:00.001-07:00

Dental fees: $130.00

so ex....dentists just nid to squeeze u dry cos u onli get to see them once or twice a yr...but my sis paid more...$185.00....faintz....

2008-03-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

clumsiness is....
when you hit ur head on against a open cupboard so hard dat tears just roll out uncontrollably n u want to blame someting/someone for it but realise there's only u urself to blame...
bad luck.

2008-03-12T09:43:00.000-07:00

i nid to do serious self-monitoring n self-reflection....but it's so difficult these daes....i realli m lost n disillusioned....wad is right? wad is wrong? m i too bossy n pushy n snobbish? m i too indecisive? m i too insensitive? how m i gg to remediate the situation? how m i gg to let go when once i've let go 40% another 20% comes along to tie me down? i losing faith in myself....losing confidence in my judgements...i nid to tok to someone...but hoo? my co oic dropped me several hints within a few weeks about her unhappiness wif me....mabbe not unhappiness but probably some minor tings which we dont see eye to eye wif or tings dat werent explained properly....m i realli ready fer leadership role? m i realli the right person? have been questioning myself fer 1/2 yr....knew tis position is gg to be tuff fer me...wanted to give up when it was announced...but i din wan history to repeat itself...regret aft opportunity goes by....so i told myself i'll try....but it's reali been a rough 1/2 yr...mabbe it's time i shld give it up....n revert back to my old self...i hope it's still reversible....but den again, nth ventured nth gained...

okie...please ignore...i'm into self-talk....=X

2008-03-12T09:06:00.000-07:00

For the hopelessly unoccupied pple out there...

watch tis....

http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/magazine/16-03/ff_autism?currentPage=1

disclaimer: turn ur volume down if it is too disturbing...

fer public awareness.....=P

din had time to read the whole article but watched the video...

2008-03-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

5.15pm
Tuesday
Rainy
it was pouring in the northern part of spore
stood outside his flat, waiting for someone to open the door...
we waited fer a couple of minutes before a familiar face popped up at the window sill smiling n waving to me...his smile just never fails to bring the sunshine n warmth into his house...
his mum came over to open the gate for us...pale-looking but yet cheery...
initially i told my colleague, "u do the toking k?" i'm afraid i say sth wrong or too insensitive to certain tings...
the conversation flowed v well...out of my expectations...as if we were some old frens...it was probably the 2nd time i toked to her in person....the ferst was during the parent meeting session last yr....comparatively, she had lost wt and becum v pale....got to noe more about her family, n how her frens haf been helping her out....touched by how there is still warmth in tis unfeeling world....he looked so much like his mum...just dat he is growing taller n taller...he sticks to his mum most of the time...physically....he stuck to me fer a while too...haa....typical of him...
mum is realli brave....3rd stage breast cancer...single-parent with an elderly mother and special kid...the mere tot of it just makes my nose becomes 'sour'...n it's precisely for these reasons that gave her the motivation to fight on i guess....undergoing chemo, radio n OT....had to run to n fro the hospital...n to the chinese tcm...on 6mths leave to recuperate...sole breadwinner of the family....i realli dunno how i can help....a wild tot came to my mind...i wun mind looking aft him...seriously....
all thru the chat, the mum din show any signs of stress or fear....she asked if we will be scared to look at her scars...we said no...she showed it to us n i'm surprised at how calm i was....it wasnt any near the feeling i had when i ferst saw my student in the toilet...he was sitting there all along wif us....heard how we praised him, how his mum complained bout him, playing wif our fones, listening to songs, and showing me how he play his new puzzles...not fergetting his signature smiles...and incessant "Hi"s....
as dey sent us out, i cld see the mum's eyes filled wif gratitude....but i realli din help much....i realli dunno how to help....perhaps i should teach him to be even more independent....so dat he can take care of his mum too....the tedious chemo sessions gg to start...she's oreadi seeing the side effects....realli wished she will be blessed wif gd health.....
beneath those smiles, i realli wonder if he noes his mum is gg thru an ordeal? i wonder how he is feeling then...or how he is gg to cope with his feelings n his inability to express them....
6.35pm
Rain has stopped, but was still drizzling
but at least i can see the sun now....

(chose our favourite color fer tis post...)

2008-03-04T07:58:00.000-08:00

not long ago met a sec sch fren's mother....ferst qn was "when u getting married?" oh wow....do i look so old or do i look like i'm married or is it cos i kip short hair now so pple tink i'm gg to get married/is married (cos usu pple kip short hair when dey get pregnant or after marriage...) hmm...my shy fillipino ot's ferst words to me was oso if i'm married.....argh.....she commented dat i eat until i look good now...direct translation frm chinese....oh well...another wae of saying i put on wt....sianz....time to lose wt....

was toking to my sis bout her attachment life...she's teaching in a sec sch now....damn stress i can tell....hardly a mth n she's up to the brim liao....was so glad i din go moe...she is teaching all the sec 1 n 2 classes music....repeats her same lesson 11 times....how mundane....she told me even the joke dat she said turned sour after the 3rd time....cldnt even bring herself to luff....quite poor ting la huh...after teaching still has to accompany me to go shopping....haaa....worse is when i din buy aniting i wanted to buy....sianz...but it's realli nice to go shop when there's no crowd....

cancelled my leave tmr n hope to haf a peaceful dae at werk wif big half of my colleagues not arnd n students not attending sch....phew....oh well..mabbe not...gotta answer the calls....argh....

2008-03-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

finally i'm getting my leave...but when tings arent settled, taking leave can be stressful too...took leave tmr n wed but feel like cancelling wed one...cos thurs fri i'm on course n i haven prepared the relief teacher on wad to do....took leave next mon n fri too....but mite be cancelling mon one as i nid time to sit down wif my new co teacher....

todae the new staff came in....5 of them + 2 admin n finance exec...the 2 guys went wif me fer outing...or mabbe i shld sae 1.5 guy...haa...quite wierd la...haven werk wif a male co teacher b4.....hmm...my co teacher is quite nice...fillipino...din expect him to be so young...thot mabbe uncle ba...the other teacher is quite soft....so soft dat i seem so much tuffer than he is....oops....=X his actions just wanna make me luff....in betw the two guys' conversation, i tried hard to bite my tongue not to luff when he started doing those feminine gestures....n he is gg to dac...werking wif the adults! gosh...dunno how he'll manage...mabbe the students there will teach him how to be a man! the other 2 ladies who r gg dac r 2 old ladies...haiz...y on earth dey get tis age group there?! dac desperately nids high energy pple....hmm...guess onli time will tell....heard so mani scarie stories at dac....tink i'm oso scared to go over now...

wanna quickly settle some stuff b4 i can slp in peace....drag till now...gosh....n my colleague hoo worries so much more den i do just msg me to ask if she cfm is gg fer the training tmr....argh! miss! if it were on other daes i'll probably be able to answer u onli tmr morning lei! i off my hp at nite one u noe! haiz....count urself lucky....oreadi told them dey r in...sent email....during meeting oso told liao still blur....wad can i sae?! =X

wanna go sleep le....nid a long long sleep....without pple troubling me....den go shopping....hee....

2008-03-01T06:24:00.000-08:00

those few daes when i was feeling down....i kept seeing pple who wore t-shirts dat read "life is not a job" twice within a dae...n a few more times subsequently after dat...n of cos a job is not for life...but fer me, sadly, it seemed almost so......i oso kept seeing encouraging phrases everywhere...."a cheerful heart makes good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." from 6th floor ward...din notice all the proverb everytime i passed by...but dat dae it just stood out to me...haa...is tis wad dey sae it is...a calling? nah...more like helping me to pass my daes...as tho heaven has seen how devastated i m....but it realli made me feel better...

_______________________________________________

somehow whenever i meet tis group of frens i dun feel realli enjoyable...i dunno y...mabbe it's just me...mabbe not unenjoyable...but more like not so much at ease...tho we r quite clique-ish...most of the time just the 4 or 5 of us will turn up....wif me n another ger...sometimes i realli cannot stand her....well...kinda childish n lame....i noe i'm not supposed to speak ill of my fren...but realli....all i cld do was just sit there quietly n watch the show go on....she realli speaks her mind n just wants to be pampered like a child....went steamboat...den she kept asking fer tis n dat n tis n dat n tis n dat....the guys had to go get it fer her....well, guys probably like tis kinda gers better...gers hoo r dependent so dat dey can shower dem wif security....so probably dat's y i'm still single ba...

sometimes not i wan to gei gao...but tings like...i put my file in her plastic bag upon her suggestion n i had to carry the bag the whole nite....she not offering to carry at ani pt in time kinda pissed me off....majiam i'm her maid....n one of the guys noticed it n brot it up...n she oso wun feel paiseh...just brushed it off.....worse is when everytime we meet, we will take pics n bluetooth each other n explore all our hps' functions....boring....she will be indirectly braggin bout her stuff...n start comparing tis n dat...oh well....n i cld spend the whole nite wif someone lidat till 12+am....n wif tis group of frens usu no one will offer to send me home tho dey will ask but din mean it....cos i'm outta the wae....had to take a cab back while the 3 shared cab to zouk to pick up my fren's gf n den head fer home....all the more sianz....

2008-03-01T06:18:00.000-08:00

learn to live
live to learn
learn to love
love to learn

2008-02-27T07:47:00.000-08:00

mon went late fer werk..at 10.30am...cos was just too tired after jorgina's wedding dnr...the husband is so sweet and stable. very dependable guy...it was realli a luxury walking into the office wif prettier clothes n not having to squeeze in the crowded trains....not dat i haf no lesson todae but it is just more refreshing....light-hearted too cos fer these two weeks i onli haf 4 students...n when i reached the office, my colleagues came to me to say they feel out of place without me arnd....dat dey miss me....but of cos...no one to answer stoopid fone calls, run errands fer everyone...wad's new? sometimes just nid to fade awae slowly...so dat dey wun assume i'm alwiz there fer them....it's so contagious man...wanted to go late fer the whole of the week....considering the fact dat i'm not the skiver type who shuns werk....but now, onli now, i'm starting to learn....never too late i guess.....=P

2008-02-27T07:41:00.000-08:00

i hate blue blacks.
yesh sometimes it's an occupational hazard. n it realli takes so long fer them to go awae tho it's no longer painful. sometimes by my own clumsiness. like when i give chase to students n slip n fall. sometimes it can be exciting n thrilling. like yest when this 1.9m guy held my hands n we flew towards the sofa. well, his knee was high enuff to reach the sofa but mine landed on the ground. ouch. big blue black after dat. but it's an experience u wldn't try even if u haf the guts to. no one wld try it. i bet.

the day i broke down

2008-02-23T20:57:00.001-08:00

women r vulnerable. in one aspect or another. i alwiz thot i'm v strong n independent. but not when things r too overwhelming. kinda broke down in the office last thurs. one arrogant n snuggish colleague being the trigger pt. she's too absurd. i promised myself i'll wash my hands off her class. n when the next day came, i had to grind my teeth n help her out when she needed help again. HATE myself for dat. tok to boss n prog head abt wad happened. boss was ready to sack her. but knowing her, she'll be the sort who'll sue, make a din or go straight up to the board to make noise. had to take a deep breath before i meet her. her eyes r set way above me, way above my prog head (he has also given up toking to her), n will only tok to boss (for the time being, i presume). she's just too argumentative n everytime she is able to tok her way thru. dat's probably the only ting she's capable of. n not fergetting her 20 yrs of experience in mainstream. wondered how come her attitude is like dat even tho she has been in schools fer so long. unprofessional.

i'm sorry i ruined the whole atm in the office dat dae. n thanks to all the colleagues who kept asking me if i'm ok. at that pt in time, i'm really not ok. had to run so many errands in the morning, forgo my lunch time, forgo preparing for my class, used up all my energy in helping others to end up wif a fierce battle that was not supposed to be fought in the first place.

found solace finally in my class. but my mind just cld not focus. kept drifting away. i'm too caught up wif all the emotions. n hoo said pple wif asd cant tell emotions? at least i knew B knew i was feeling sad. from the look in his eyes. he looked at me n modelled my face. his usually smiley face went down. dat was when i knew how my emotions can affect his. i had to cheer myself up n carry on wif the class. but once again, i cldnt control myself but was touched to tears when he said my name. while asking who's turn it was during a game, he mouthed out his fren's name. n den he started naming all his frens. plus mine. i was realli touched. to think that all this while i thot the sounds he made was just sounds n took no notice of it. but come to tink of it, everytime he did use dat same sound when he toked to me. he cld have been calling me but i din respond to him. or din noe wad he was toking about. felt terribly guilty. these realli overwhelmed me emotionally. all in a day.

i'll be fine. travelled down to woodlands to teach after werk. wif my eyes slightly puffy. hoping dat no one noticed. the strangers in the bus, my student, my student's parents, n of cos my parents who just touched down to spore the very day. piano lesson wif dat student was gd. it kinda cheered me up. wif the warmth in dat house. dat is y i dun mind travelling so far just to teach a grade 1 student.

heaven will do justice. dat's wad i feel. u can argue dat dat is becos tings r in my external locus of control. yes it is. wad else can i do? gulp down all dat sorrow n pray fer another better day. the more i pondered about y i shld still stay on, the more i feel troubled. i m multi-tasking at a rate dat is so unbelievable. i can tok to u now n within dat conversation i have answered mani of other pple's questions, helped out wif lotsa errands n come back to dat same conversation wif u. it's dat bad.

i nid to learn how to relax. it's impt. to take tings in stride. good stride. but so hard to do. so many pple haf been telling me dat. but just cant do it. my new colleague said tis job is gd fer character building. which i tink so too. cos slowly i can see myself developing in my character. dat is impt to me too. cos all along i've been wanting to find out sth in me or about myself. i guess only thru time will it take to tell.

at the same time, it is nice to noe dat there r so mani pple arnd me dat cares fer me. i'm realli sorry i made all of u worried. including B. i'm realli proud of him. he's been helping me alot in class these daes even without me telling him to. colleagues all wanna bring me out to chill n relax. well, not tis weekend. pretty tied down these 2 weeks.

yest met up wif yh who's getting married real soon. so fast. very nice invitation card. thot an air tic was included tho. haa.... getting all pretty fer her big day. den cancelled my facial appt again to go fer retail therapy. sadly i got nth too rewarding. dat makes the plan fer therapy a failed session. but went fer dnr at hard rock cafe. was very crowded wif all the angmohs. nice mtvs there. kinda like the atm there if only it wasnt too cold. fer a moment i was taken off frm the load dat has weighed me down a ton the past few daes.

played fer my piano teacher todae. last week she said she noes i'm trying hard. i noe i m. i wan to perfect it all. but i just cant do it. it's beyond me. tis week she sensed the nonchalance in me. it's amazing how she can sense how i feel thru my playing. i alwiz tink i covered it up well. she tried to do her part to help me cope better. she said mabbe i shld go fer lesson later in the day. appreciate dat man. so dat i haf more time for practice in the morning. it's all the little tings in life like tis dat make me feel better. i'm not asking for too much m i?

just feel totally exhausted - mentally, physically, emotionally, physiologically. n like how my frens sae it - chuied. wrecked frm head to toe. but tmr is mon again. so nid to pick myself up n embrace myself in the whole new week ahead.

2008-02-13T07:46:00.000-08:00

most at ease cny visiting:
when i went to my 50-yr-old colleague's place...saw how relaxing her life is now...she's on no pay leave to look aft her newborn granddotter...so cute~ n she prepared so many food for us which she made herself....touched...so super healthy dat we wun feel guilty eating more...she's realli like a second mother to me....envy her life....guess she wun come back to werk liao...

happiest sms:
when my dear B's mum msg me aft her op to thank me for the gifts...so glad she msg me again todae to sae she's discharged n can finally get out of bed....so looking forward to B coming back....the mum even said i cld go visit them anitime...i'm wondering hoo shld i go wif...hmm...

scariest day tis yr:
todae. tmr's vdae...hope my class will be full of love....for frens...n teachers....

most full-of-warmth day:
yesterday...mani frens sms to wish me happie bdae...even those i haven been contacting fer yrs....n those hoo r trying hard to meet up wif me (cos of my bz schedule) but i cldnt make time....even tho i dun initiate gatherings or meet-ups.....*guilt-striken*

another stressful day:
tmr...student's mum wan to visit n observe the class...n tmr we r gg out...but wif onli 2 teachers including myself....when my co teacher is v new n not very observant n quite scared of the students.....she realli projects her fears to me man....poof....

mabbe tis is all part of mid-20s crisis.....*shrug*

HAPPIE VDAY!!

2008-02-11T07:31:00.000-08:00

2008-02-06T02:17:00.001-08:00

so glad to hear dat my student's mum is doing v well after her op....very relieved in fact....

haven felt so light for a long while....long weekend + cny is coming....just worked for 2 hrs todae (tho i travelled for 3 hrs there)...went there for celebration....just some games but it was quite fun n interactive cos we combined wif the morning class....if there were no celebration at sch i tink cny is realli boring n meaningless....no stress just makes me happie....

went home for reunion lunch n so full dat cant realli eat dnr now....but gotta make space for a bowl of mee sua wif egg...cos grandma insists i eat dem since it's my bdae on the lunar calendar...took a nap so dat i can shou shui tonite..

HAPPIE CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL~!!!

*~s.e.r.e.n.e.~*